countless of endless nights, i sought refuge in watching repeated shows. hoping to seek miracle and hope in this shows. yet, one scene by scene , just cannot remove the hard feelings that i had for myself. feeling helpless, make me more unwilling to do anything in the world. my steps become slower and slower. i just hope that one person will give me the reassurance. my mummy laughter and my dad laughter gives me a sense of happiness. yet, the bad feeling, my anxiety that i give for myslef can only be conquer and control by me. time and time passes, the things that i longed to do remain half way done. It seems totally endless. yet in my heart, i knew i always have a plan for it. I knew that i can do it. just let me write all this down. and i will know that i am able to do it.

time is the catalyst. just let time and hardwork do everything. everyone is born to be useful, they just need the key to it and the door for you to find. just find it and everything will prove to be fine. escape seems to be a good way, but it will never ever work for NG XIANG JUN.

give me the reassurance and i can do the job.

for a new year, for a good start.
a happy beginning for everyone.
a happy time for everyone.
enjoy the last moments of 2009
and find the truth and your real belonging in the 2010.

wish everyone had a good time in 2010 and let's face the challenges bravely once again

xj

I am extremely Mad and feeling very helpless to things happening around me. There are many things awaiting to be solved. Yet, new things seemed ever ready to be awaiting there for me. I can't say i am totally exhausted in physical but in my heart. I felt like I cannot do anything. Yet, there is a force pushing me on, to carry out what I have to do. Responsibilties make me felt very weak and just felt like ignoring everything and go out to have a long long walk without a destination.

bababibiboo, i will continue to be strong...

when one is being trapped in a cage, with no one depends on. they can only depends on oneself and their determination to carry on. finding a solution, finding a way may be hard. but if you don't work hard on your own, who else can you depends on to save you. if there is no one in the world, nothing in the world. miracles will happen but how long are you willing to wait and how much time do you have to spare. in this world, there is no word called "the end". The end is a word that one uses to end himself or to forgive himself for all the mistakes and the chances that he don't dare to take. If one dares to continue on with his belief and strives for his best, without looking back. even if he cannot continue with his life journey, he will be a man without any regrets.

Yet, many people cannot do that. because they lacked of the determination for these challenges that the cruel society provides. even if they can manage to sought refugee in the quiet city without a single soul beside them, even if they can find silence in their mind, can they really forgive themselves for the things that they are unable to achieve.

many people seek for a smooth and peaceful life, yet many people are unable to live happily. this is because what they wanted will never tally with what they really feel in their heart. I met a lady with simple wishes and that the only lady and only one who carries all this thoughts. but does she really feel in this way, no one really knows...

today is christmas eve. This few days is so busy with projects. and i need to finish all my projects, hopefully by tonight. But i seriously, i am buried with projects, outing and books. yet, it is christmas, so i hope that i will be out with my friends for celebration and meeting out. Hopefully to stack everything up, but it does not seems well. Hope that a new year, will be a good start for me.

Today, went out with v and j to eat buffet again. Going back to the same store and back to the same seat. seems to be taken up especially for us. But this time round, lesser dishes is available for our selection too. But it is equally fun. Yet, it is not that full for us. Now, that i am blogging I am already feeling abit hungry. Money really spend like water, this few days. That why, i don't like Christmas at all. Feeling extremely happy during the day, yet not very happy during the night. Perhaps because of the late nights that i spend this few days. I got to do something to my life and buck up.
Remain positive is the key and it can hardly work for me. I need fulfillment and responsibility and time for action to take place instead of just constant thinking about problems. I need evidences...

All the complains passes and now come to the interesting part. The moment, i met my friends today for lunch and dinner. I met a total of 3 friends, 2SL and 1LT. It is so cool and i am going to meet another SL and gang tomorrow. and vand j and xj went to esplanade to make a wish again.

Christmas is so not good for me. But wish everyone had a fun holiday. Christmas is here. but where is my santa...

christmas is coming...

and yesterday, i just have my final long wishing yuki yaki buffet. but too bad, i did not manage to eat the ice cream buffet. Cos i don't think, i will be able to finish eating it anyway. But it was fun barbecuing with friends after all. And no one really want to eat sushi, but i manage to eat meizhen's fried rice and fried mixed meat with alan as her assistant. We ate until 5pm.

Since we are waiting with shuLing until 7pm and we have time, we went to suntec city for a while and then changing the location again to esplanade. I have finally went there during christmas to put my bell charm on it. And i also make my wish and hang it at the lamp post. It was fun and apparently my friends and i filled up a air ball with our wish. The night sky is always so beautiful and I hope my wish will fulfil. haha!!

chapter 2.
the princess stared upon her window after hearing noises. She hid behind her curtains and peek at the group of boys over her vast field playing soccer. She longed to be out there, playing with them. Everyday, at that hour, she will always be standing there looking out at the window. Just one day, a prince from the nearby kingdom playing soccer with the rest, spotted her. As she always stood at one side, the prince never have a clear view of her. But curiousity about her grew.

Anonymous
Never be afraid to do something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the titanic.

I am feeling so disappointed now for not getting selected for the community service trip oversea 2 times in a row. So disappointed. Though I knew hopes are low too, I just felt like going to have a new experience. But just never mind, I shall not think of that le. But congrat to Mz, SL and charlene. Yo! So good can make it. Remember to buy something back for us. I want present too. Be it the air of the island or the soil of the island. Put it inside a nice looking bottle, okay.

I should stop playing the pet society for today. Now got to do something else.

michael jordon
I've missed over 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot . . . and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

haha! in the far far away land, there lived a very very quiet princess who has very busy parents. Her parents did not really look after her after she was bored. All they did was to throw her servant to take care of her and ask about her well being from the servant everyday. The princess, on the other hand, loved to stay in her castle forever, especially in the darkest corner of the castle. The princess never likes sports at all and hate to be exposed to sunlight. No one can really see her face. However, she was said to be very beautiful. Her servant can only see her eyes under the shattered lights of the blinds at her room. During meal time, she will creep like a mouse to the table filled with dishes when there are no one around. So no one really see her.... and no one really know how she felt.

However, it came one day, that the princess heard some loud shouting and noises just outside her balcony. Out of curiousity, she ....

fri
just had a lunch with v n j, but the food i think it not worth the price. but it is still edible. i suppose. Haha! and my birthday present, i got a very nice blue box(which is said to be handmade by J) and the cookies which is said to be make by V. But still it is unbelievable lah. But it is a great gift frankly. However, i have been receiving cookies for the 2nd time. you all want to make me FAT is it and it is chocolate de. haha!!

I am very tired, and i have to rest now...

sat
it was very fun and enjoyable to be involved in the kindergarden graduation ceremony, especially in the ending part of the graduation ceremony. they had to cite a very very touching speech, i really wonder how they manage to remember all the words and so on. However there is a very very serious problem, my ear drums are going to burst...expecially with their extremely loud voice on the mike and very sharp voice. But it was very fun and it is a reminiscence of my kindergarden years. I really do not feel like graduating after entering kindergarden for so many years. it is so fun


we can read and write,
we are so happy,...but we ever wishes ever...
we are happy little kids
we had a lot of fun
we are happily kids in school
we can draw and write with our hands
....something something ever
the end!!

that what i can hear from their ending song.
i had a great time but sadly, forget to bring cameras

the first time in polytechnic, exposed to many things that i have never been exposed to:

1st: receive my 1 present in the form of cash, that's really cool too! IT's money, hehe.
2nd:The 2nd time i fell in love with macdonald
3rd:i bought 3 bags in a year.
4th:the 4 time i am changing my phone.
5th:
6th:
7th:i am exposed to 7 project at a go.
8th:
9th:i can buy 9 macdonald set meal at one go.
10th:
11th:i have my first largest clique which consists of 11 friends.

Thank you! my poly clique for giving me this strange present, BUT I LOVED IT ALOT ANYway. It is a very happy day for me. Haha! Thanks a lot. I have been very poor lately too, and i am going to chase after someone for money too. After that i will be Rich... so happy sia!! The envelope which contain the present looks a bit strange too. But it is done with a lot of effort too, so haha!!

what should i buy? macdonal meal, astrology telescope, soft toys, additional charges for handphone, froggy pillow,or yuki yaki or tones of stationery (cos all finish le, left with the last ink pen) what should i buy?

but on the other hand, today is friday. which means i have to do finish all my poly stuff before i can start on my english. Or i will feel like "yi ban yi ban", feel like i have not done anything at all which is like eating my fries halfway. what i am saying anyway. haha! let me play for a while, and i will be going to study le.

study hard le and happiness is simply happiness

i can now pronounced that this is really a depressed blog. perhaps, when i am feeling very happy, i never wanted to write down because i don't really know what i wanted to write anyway.
So allow me to spend a few minutes to write my sorrows down and i have to go off to study and do all my homework by today!!! IT is a must though i really feel like sleeping right now.

I am totally exhausted. Can't really help it because i had been so really unhappy this few days and i don't even feel like opening my mouth to talk sometimes. Perhaps i am under depression and i require seriuos treatment. Just really wondering what can i do if i give up this course, just like what my friend chatted with me, the other week. She told me about all her dream and what she do now is not what she wanted...

but for my case, i really like this job. Perhaps it is not the course that i really like. But i seriously like the feeling of being able to help people and i can fulfill half of my dream of becoming a half-doctor ba!! I have negative thoughts from very young perhaps it is due to my younger days education. The more i tell my parents how confident i am for a particular thing, and if i did not receive the expected results. They are very upset though they did not voice it out. So gradually, i do not like to give such a high hope for myself and i don't like to be confident about things at all...

I don't really know how to describe the situation right now. I just knew that i don't really feel very happy at all. And i tend to be quieter than usual. My horoscope does not seems taht good at all too. What i seriously needed now, is a call and a person who is very noisy at the opposite side or a very good swim under the moonlight...

hohoho!! that's so fun.

that's so cool! I am being posted to a far far away land for my clinical attachment. I seriously does not know whether it is "tian yi or not". I have been posted to places that i rejected before, be it in jc or now. I do not know whether should i feel overjoy now or should i cry about it.

Anyway, i am feeling extremely upset and constantly emoing just now at 4.00pm. I do not know why i felt in this way...but most likely, it is because of the upcoming Gp paper and the scary tales and restriction of clinical attachment. This year can be said to be my 'most up and down' year. But i just knew that i will not give up, simply just give me enough time. Tomorrow will be better, though problems will resurface again.

To be very true to myself.

surfing my dearest cutest "gui gui" video and data. she is simply so cute and sweet. haha! that's so cool. Though it is about 19 years long, before i began to like a idol. haha!!! she is so cute.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2367myxab4

haha! instead of studying YESTERDAY, i began to addict myself to the scorpio personality analysis. perhaps, this article is totally correct for my own personality. I had to recognise my own personality after all. still surfing more... i think this article perhaps is saying the good points, need to find a article stating all the bad points. HAD TO STUDY MY ENGLISH after dinner.

SCORPIO PERSONALITY
Scorpio is a Fixed Water sign, ruled by Pluto. Before the discovery of Pluto, the ruling plant for this sign was Mars, and the two are more or less interchangeable with regard to the Scorpio personality, especially since the recent downgrade of Pluto from a full-blown planet to a "dwarf planet." As the eighth sign of the zodiac, the Scorpio individual is an intense, intuitive, complex, determined soul who gives life his all, for better or worse. Famous characters sharing this sign include Bill Gates (October 28), Prince Charles (November 14), and Charles Manson (November 12).
Of all the signs of the zodiac, Scorpios are arguably the most recognizable due to their combination of straight-shooting directness, laser beam mental focus, and critical assessment. Don't ask Scorpio if you don't want to know the unvarnished truth. There's no sugar-coating whatsoever here, even if the truth is not pretty. This tendency does not endear Scorpio to many of the other signs, who consider him overly critical - even hurtfully so. However, by the same token, when Scorpio gives you a compliment, it's not as a condescending gesture, but rather a straight-out, honest assessment that you can indeed be proud of. Although Scorpio generally performs well in social and work situations, he is most comfortable either alone or with the small circle of family and friends he is closest to. This is not a sign that actively seeks out the company of others, preferring introversion rather than extroversion whenever possible. Scorpio is fiercely self-reliant and will almost never seek out the advice of others, preferring to look to himself for his answers. Although we generally don't comment on physical traits for the zodiac signs in these pages, it is worth noting that many, many Scorpios are noted for their penetrating eyes that make others feel uncomfortable (think Charlie Manson).
For those with a Scorpio child, you have a kid with a deep emotional bond with you, but who is also quite capable of entertaining himself when you are not available with no hard feelings, especially if he has something interesting to do. With his sharp mind and inquisitive nature, your little Scorpio will likely soak up knowledge in whatever form you provide it, be it television, books, puzzles, or whatever. Because of their tendency to be rather introverted, Scorpio kids should be given special attention from time-to-time, as they may tend to get pushed aside by louder, more boisterous siblings - especially older ones. Make no mistake, though - they can and will defend themselves, and when angered, they will retaliate fiercely, usually in an unexpected way designed to cause the most damage. Scorpio kids will appreciate one-on-one time with their parents, but generally won't feel comfortable talking about deeply personal issues. Keeping it light and fun is a plus with these kids, with the knowledge that if something is really bothering them, they will find a way to let you know, though again, it might be in a roundabout way. In school. Scorpio is smart enough to ace any of his studies, but he will only put effort into those things that interest him most. His grades therefore will likely be uneven, though with his adversity for failure, he will likely make enough effort to squeak by in subjects he dislikes.
Scorpio in the workplace is the one with the office full of odd decorations with either no chairs for visitors or one chair that is hidden in a dark corner. You won't find Scorpio flitting around the water cooler looking for gossip, as he considers this a complete waste of time and energy. Because of this, other people in the office will often comment that they think he is mean or unfriendly, and that they are unexplainably uncomfortable in his presence, although Scorpio himself considers his relationships with his co-workers as adequate. The boss usually loves Scorpio because he is a low-maintenance, industrious worker who is able to completely focus on the task at hand. The few select people who work more closely with Scorpio and have gotten past his exterior shell find him quite useful, often confiding in him about personal issues to get his honest, straightforward assessment. Although he doesn't seem emotional or compassionate on the surface, Scorpio will be the one to initiate a fund drive for another employee who has fallen on hard times and needs help, and he will usually do so anonymously to avoid unwanted attention.
If you have found a romantic partner in a Scorpio, you have a fiercely private, deeply feeling partner indeed. You may have to get used to the fact that you will never know everything about your Scorpio, but rest assured that if he feels a strong connection to you, he will let you know what you need to know. Indeed, if he didn't feel a strong connection to you, you wouldn't even be around! Scorpio is very loyal and expects the same from you. He is a highly intuitive individual, and will likely instinctively know what you need and want - a very good trait to have in a partner. However, his intuition will also pick up on imperfections in the relationship, so don't be surprised if he zeros in and starts asking probing questions if you are trying to hide something from him. It's going to be tough giving your Scorpio mate a surprise birthday party!
The best matches for Scorpio for sure are Cancer and Pisces, but Virgo, Leo, Capricorn, and Sagittarius might also work. It will likely be tough going with another Scorpio, Taurus, or Aries.
Scorpio in any relationship is smart and interesting, with surprising intuition. He may seem quite critical, which is off-putting at times, but you can count on him for an honest assessment. Don't go to him for sympathy, as he will tell you to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with it. However, if you are in real trouble, he will likely sympathize and find resources to solve your problem, often in an unconventional way. If you cross a Scorpio, depending on the circumstances, he may walk away for life, but if he doesn't, he will find a way to even the score to his satisfaction before resuming the friendship. Despite these pitfalls, Scorpio as a friend has the potential to be one of the most loyal, intuitive, intelligent, nurturing, and helpful friends in the zodiac, so making the effort to dig a little deeper than you have to with other signs will likely provide you with rich rewards in the end!


hoho...to continue from the previous paragragh.

It is only when they disappeared, they will...haha! treasure them of course. However, there are many circumstances that even when they disappeared, one may not know that they have already lost what they should treasure most from their life. Times and times all this passes, many people in this world has never never realise that. Simply due to one small misunderstanding. Perhaps life is always full of curbs and falls. One may have gone through many pitfall to reach what they want and with the support of parents and friends are always the best. their help, their smile, their words and most importantly their accompany is always the best medicine among the world. When one feels sad, a call with extremely long silence...always seems to be the best relief. When one is feeling happy, their endless speech seems warm inside the heart after all. Though problems eventually requires the owner to solve it, it is their smile that simply...

the last few days, is my worst moment of all...should be exact is the last week. my hair is in the mess. haha! haha! i was feeling very depressed and rejected. actually, it is not that bad. but i am just feeling very very sad. so the best way is to conquer this sadness is... of course, i won't say my best method. because it is quite lame after all.

never mind, i am feeling happy now! though, there is still some tinglingness of sadness after all. but now, i have got to concentrate on other things such as the most important examination once again. Though, it is only one english paper. now, i have not much to say...so i will end here.

True love are very hard to find. There are many people who look for their true love years and years, still it does not appear at all. yet, when their love ones is just beside them, they do not realise that. It is only when they disappeared, they will ...

just a few days ago, i was still looking happily forward to a trip to malaysia. on board on the bus, i am still feeling very excited and very happy. enjoy looking out into the sky of malaysia, and the beautiful trees that i have been expecting for 2 years. Though it was very fun to travel without my family members this time round, i had to take care of my luggage on my own. and before the ride, my parents told me scary stories about luggage and hotels. making me excited, yet feeling scared. throughout the whole ride, i did not sleep at all. hoping to see the sky full of stars once again, yet the sky was full of orange clouds and not even the moon appear in the sky to welcome me. gee! making me hoping with fury on the bus. luckily this time round, there is the television. this makes me feel better after all. watching the trees outside my window and the quite interesting tv programme, accompanied by two sleeping pigs on the bus. AT LAST, WE reach genting!



reach there at 5 am in the morning, feeling quite sleepy after the interesting ride. we went to the hotel lobby to take a good short nap. making a new friend at the lobby, yet not knowing her name, she told us that we can load our luggage at the bell counter and off to play. thinking what kinds of fastfood to choose, in the end "marybrown" won. i ate kiddymeal and i got myself a door holder i suppose. it is quite nice after all. taste like KFC. fianlly, it is 10 am. the door of the theme park opened and off we went in.



screams can be heard and we dragged yx off to play the swing. in the end, we all got giddy! it is so cool as it is one of my dream game that i wanted to play. pictures can be seen on facebook anyway! so i shouldn't say so much! play play play play



finally, we reached our hotel and we ate mini bucket which is quite expensive on genting anyway. but it is fun! but but but, we should not have bought so much food. yx and wz did not really eat a lot and i ended up eating. AND THROWING AWAY POPCORN CHICKEN. my dear popcorn, i am sorry...

i got to go now

wan to talk to me
wan to meet me
find me at petpetpark
the only place
you will get to see me
find me with a
mushroom cap
a blue shorts
and a sheep coat
name: ryar321

"gains and losses is not important"

"as long as everyone is together"

sometimes, no matter how hard you have work, as long as something is missing, all efforts will be gone in the end.

Now, i am really feeling feeling very upset. i do not feel like doing anything. i cannot even pass the 1st semester and i may need to retain one year. though, results for the retest is not out yet. yet, my confidence level is 0% and i know that i will fail. many time of trying seem not to be working on me at all, perhaps practice make perfect for me, yet without any single practice and like sudden exposure to things, just freaked me out. perhaps, simply speaking, i am not suitable for this course at all. perhaps, i should go back to my scientific region and i should not danger other people's life including my own. Perhaps, i am just not suitable for this course at all.
really, perhaps that my ke xin arh...

Constantly turning my life, going to schools that is not arrange for me in the first place. yet, moving here and there and finally, i manage to reach here. coming to this point, i have given up a lot of things, which i really want. pursuing somthing that i may long to want it . yet at this point in time....though, i really wanted to continue. but if i really continue in this way, i am really going to freaked out soon. being in this course, i have seen my results at the lowest peak throughout my 11 years of education. if this does not include english. Now, i seriously do not know what to do at all. thinking that going to this course will be something that i always wanted, yet this module just dashed my hope. Perhaps, i am really those type of people of people who can only study theory and yet for other things IQ IS AS LOW AS - 100.

just felt so useless and why i can't just have some street smart that others have. huang xiang jun, are you really that useless. at this point in time, i really just want to take a very very long sleep and never wake up. no wonder, last night i dream of funeral.

perhaps and perhaps, i really do not know what to do!!

but sometimes thinking that others have been working hard, despite years of failure and finally reaching their goal. i knew that i should not give up so easily. perhaps, sometimes my determination will bring me somewhere. but i really hope that my determination can really bring me somewhere this time.

this time, i must pass my A- level english. perhaps, i can only say this is my life since i choose this path. but as long as i have determination, i believe one day i will be able to graduate from semester. After all, i really do not want to have any regret regarding my studies or any other things. N i really want to prove myself wrong that i can actually do it and succeed in all this.

i am going to drag my determination further than i can ever imagine.

if i continue to come online during this holiday (which end on 18), without a good reason (check email n writing blog is a gd reason but playing games and watching of video and including going out w/o....is a BAD reason)...JUST CALL ME A NUJ GNAIX!!!

at least i have completed part of my previous resolution ---no 1,6,7,8 and 5 is almost complete...just give me a long long sunday!!!

Today, i have a quite fun day with my aunt. she brought me to the buddhist temple to do volunteering job. OF course, i dont think there is any cip hours awarded..but never mind ba! It is quite fun. i get to know a lot of adults as usual, most of them are uncle and aunties!! hearing the way they speak, is quite fun too. After the briefing, we board the cars of stranger and get to our destination to give rices to the elderly. OF COURSE again, i do not need to carry the heavy bags! gee! some of the elderly do not allow us to go into the house, while some are staying in 4 room flat, yet their family are experiencing financial difficulties therefore they require some assistance. After visiting 4 flats, the volunteering session end about 1 pm. After that, i went to tiong to buy stickers...in the end, i still did not buy.

NOW, I HAVE TO EAT MY FOOD! mummy only bought otah back home for me, yet they ate nice good food at the fair.

@_@

o crap! left with 1 more day to finish all my tasks, that i laid for myself.
and my english revision; i must finish by today to be able to start on my compre and compo next week. In order to be able to go for the malaysia, i must be able to complete my revision. But at least, i have a goal to complete! during next week, i must also help my aunt to do some document work and it consists of a whole stack!! haha! i must also finish that, or i will feel very apologetic.

however i may be flooded with lots of work next week, i am still hoping to eat bbq buffet! BUT when i about to think of the $17 and $10 (which i am about to spend on birthdays), i felt at most reluctant to get out of my house and to enjoy the food that i like. I magine the sushi, meat, ice cream flying across your face... i should not be thinking of food.

everyone is working so hard to earn money and i am still playing at home, should i be sad or happy? i am watching sharkboy now and later i have to study my english. Tomorrow, i have to wake up like 8 plus to meet my aunt (which i find difficulties, when everyday i have been waking up at 12 noon.) i have wasted so many hours sleeping, which i really do not want! i am thinking of buying a alarm clock with the pooh bear (cost about 6.90) but will that wake me up...i truely wondered.

the next post, i will write my resolution ba! I WILL BE ABLE TO GO TO MY GRANDMA'S HOUSE TMR and probably go to the food festival at suntec city tomorrow ( and i can eat again, with my parents paying but of course, we do share our food)...but my mother just pull out her tooth today, or i will be able to eat those goodies today...

@_@

hoho! another day which is wasted. i had been spending the whole day sleeping and i think that i had flu again; wondering if i will be able to finish my resolution any way! But i will make sure i finish my task, especially those with permanent deadline. Someone birthday is coming again. i had to spend quite a sum of money again. i got to save up!

hohoho! lets end the game now.
everything comes to a end eventually.
whether you like it or not,
the feelings,
the atmosphere,
the emotions,
everything will finally come to a end
will you let it be
or will you pursue your own happiness
please make your choice.


how i hope to be more decisive in all ways and not in some ways
how i hope to be more independent in all things
how i hope to be more forever energetic
how i hope , how i hope...


life is always feel with hopes,
yet hopes and miracles seemed to be as small as a sparksyet without you,
life is meaningless
so lets hope for our dreams to come true,
with success and determination
our goal will be reached!


Resolution to be done by 20 sept 2010:
1.eat porridge buffet
2.eat sushi buffet
3.eat waffle buffet
4.go to the zoo
5.complete my eng revision
6.complete my sleep timetable
7.complete my volunteering work (still finding the location)
8.manage to find a drama show that i really want to watch
9.finish the 2 bottles of stars

hohoho! so let's go...pokemon

sometimes, i just wonder those drama shows protray people giving out money when they won lottery and etc. they will be giving money to their relatives, their family members...it seems so generous. but on some other days, when their family members take part of the money to buy some necessary daily products, they count every single cent of it and start to argue about it. So why do they start giving out money when they win 4D and others, why not keep the money to themselves and on other days, give money bits by bits to them, helping them to pay daily bills and foods and even giving treats to them. this will help to save arguments and giving food to them, is it even better. And sometimes, taking money from someone, for what! that's their own hard earn money and moreover, people's money their earning- you hope to have a share of it. however when people are losing money, do you want to share the losses too... it does not make any sense to me at all...

" this few days, have been slacking, running around singapore...becos i M HAVING HOLIDAYS!!!" wanting to go to school to visit teachers but it happens i thought sept 1 is not a holiday..." too bad have to wait for the next year...

secret- when you go to a crowded place, count to 10!! and open your eyes, your one and only one will appear in front of you!!
just try it, it does not cause any harm!! but dun stand in the moddle of the road lah!=)

gee! i just change my blogskin, this is cute and simple...like it alot...haha!!
anyway, this few days of holidays is my best best day for so many months... can sleep and wake up at any time and i get to have afternoon naps too!! life is so good!! hohoho. but sometimes in the morning, i wil get a cold breeze down from my heart and wake up in fear and anxiey for this past few days. though, i know what is the reason behind it. i couldn't do anything to it, only allow myself to wake up early in the morning to watch drama shows to calm myself down. AND the happiest thing is that i am able to go to my grandma's house after so many weeks. i miss my grandma and my aunts but of course i MISS THE SCV THAT THEY HAVE TOO. i will be able to watch scv for the whole weekend, i hope so!!! my dad went on board ship again with my other aunts. it seems that every weekend is his long long holiday. i also want to go sometime next week!!

anyway, today i will be going to west coast park.My friends and i are going to fly kites and of course, we will be able to take photos, i love to take photos. it will be a nice day today, i believe!!!
and i bought boxes of suchi home yesterday, and it increases price despite waiting for 45 mins for the price to drop!!! but it is damn cheap as it costs 2 dollars for 1 box which contains 16 small pieces in it!!! i wan to eat a lot of food during this holidays

@_@

gee! I FINALLY finish my eXAMINATION! i should be feeling happy anyway, but thinking the results will look very very bad, just freak me out! BUT I STILL SHOULD feel happy anyway, but i still have a major english examination coming up soon, so holiday is still not a holiday for me! but i still should have some life anyway!! SO ENJOY BA...GEE!
i am going to make a mumu's photoalbum! he is so cute, hug him to sleep every night! just love him so much... but the problem is have not been bathing for months le, i think there is a good smell coming out!! he cannot go into the washing machine, too heavy to be hang outside (later he suicide) but i still love him...too bad he can't talk or he is not tall enough, or i will marry him, haha!!!

HE IS SO CUTE

@_@

erm... just simply sad

today i am feeling quite upset. just dont know why! when i wake up this morning, i have a very huge headache. somehow, today should be a quite good day... because it is just the opposite of my birth date. yet, i am feeling quite upset too!! more importantly, i have 2 exam today and i think i have already flunk the paper... one may not think that it is true, but i have a very big sense about it and it is almost reality!! soon, i got very upset and i hope to see something vast and broad. it is actually sad in the beginning le!! i have decided to call some friends out but i think that they will be quite busy at that time....so i began to target at my nearby best friends, which is of course in school... strangely they got psycho by me adn we decided a lot of place. in the first place, they psycho me to go pasir ris park...but in the end, i won and we go MARINE BARRAGE again. i feel happy and excited initially as i can go to the starry room once again... but no wonder they say a person is upset, nothing can really go in order. TODAY IS TUE, the only day which the showroom is closed! what a pity after all... but we went to the top of it and we took quite a lot of photos adn they hid a secret photo of me... i had to wait for a while before i can see...

i hope i will not on the television after the dinner...but how long will i take to eat more dinner??

haha! just came home for a while. ate 2 packs of SUSHI. in fact THANKS to mz that i am able to eat full salmon sushi... this time, i did not get to eat one with wasabi...quite disappointed, but i still manage to eat sushi which i crave for night and days. It is extremely worthwhile to buy it after 7 pm, it only cause 1.8- per pack...always waited for 7pm to buy it and i only realise this month that it sell cheaply at night, wasted my 18 yrs and 7 month of youth...but it is not too late after all. AND MUST THANK MZ FOR providing me with tissue when i get my hands full of sauce.( this is mz tell me to write de)
next 3 weeks, i am flooded with examination. i think i most likely will flunk it, i WILL PASS MY EXAMINATION...JIA YOU LE. days of slacking, time to bluck up, though it may appear to be too late, i think... but anywhere tomorrow will be a better day, and this 3 months in this course, can be say to be one of my happinest day ba!!! must in the future, there will be more days to come...and i just knew that...
NATIONAL DAY is coming... and there is some idiots in the bus who kept complaining that singaporean is stupid and transport system is so bad, singaporean is so kaisu...wonder if they hated singapore so much, WHY DO THEY STILL COME TO SINGAPORE FOR WHAT... so they are not that clever after all right. what give you the right to criticise other nation...as if you are so good after all... I LOVE MY COUNTRY OKAY!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SINGAPORE...
i sound lame after all.

haha! now there is no turning back already! the withdrawl letter is out and i have gotten the reply. quite confused but haha, i still feel quite happy... tomorrow got one of my worst subject examination, on the spot practical! crap shit! i will be shivering like i did NOW. I think i will wake up tonight with a FEver. I am feeling sick and having cough... and tonight there is NO STARS... where is my stars? I think i am talking crap after drinking a very thick coffee so bitter but so Cool!
ya, i got a shock. saw hsin ming in my school today! she suddenly appear in front of me, got a very short chat and went off to eat! hope to talk more but she seems to going to play basketball, haha!!! Examination is coming soon. and it seems i am going to MISS JER's birthday again!! later they sit flyer never tell me!!!
JIA YOU EVERYONE!! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN THINK OF ME, I WILL ALWAYS BE BEHIND YOU FOR YOU TO REACH OUT TO ME AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER!!! HAHA!!
WHEN YOU SEE THE STARS, LOOK OUT FOR MY STAR- IT WILL ALWAYS BE ABOVE UR HEAD!!

make ur wish come true- FLY THE BALLOON UP THE STARS WITH UR WISH, PROMISE IT WILL COME TRUE, come TRUE for me twice le!! MIRACLE DO HAPPEN... I ALWAYS BELIEVE...

haha! finally a big stone is placed down, i think!!
i have finally typed out the letter for my ntu withdrawl. but before i post it into the bin or sent it out by mail. i am still having uncertain thoughts about it. though i really like occupational therapy, i am still a very slow learner in which i need to put a lot of effort in things. if i did not put enough effort, here i am getting this type of results that i have NOW in NYP. don't know why!! but i really like this course, perhaps it is the friends that are always beside me ba!! ANd I REALLY DREAM OF WORKING IN INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH. that is damn cool!! i want to go there, because i think i have a really very different mindset as others, so perhaps i will find somewhere where there are people of the same kind as me. I hope that i can safely pass this course and i can go there to work, though i may not be able to go to overseas university because my results is so LOUSY. but i will try hard for it after all!!!

hope that i can post the letter safely into the post box tomorrow.
so many things to study and i still got my general paper to take. seriously , i think my teacher give up hope!! never mind, i am call "hope" and i believe tmr will be a better day!! I WILL WORK MY WAY OUT!

oh crap meat! i hope that i can stay awake tonight...and i dont want to sleep!!
just gurp a cup of thick coffee, yet when i reach home, tooo glad to even sleep...
this few days, too much to do le!! but dont know why i dont feel upset or unhappy. even in school, i still feel very happy. perhaps i havent see my examination results yet. sometimes really feel that i should not be in this school, yet i couldn't bear to leave my friends. though it is only a few months passed, i feel that i really like my course, though i have to overcome so many things. but if i really leave, i think i will miss mz's suaning, yx's smile like a camel, yl's optimistic, charlotte's gd eng, sl's weird laughter, wz's smilez, still got a lot of people lah!!
haha! i think when i am typing all this, i think i am most awake now!. so i can go and study le!!
jia you... hohoho!!
live life to the fullest!! look forward, move ur right leg, loading, hands on leg, leg shift leg, grip the knees, hand on clavicle...
haha!!

haha! i knew i should not be blogging now...studying should be on my mind.
yet, as i was facing the tv with my books, all my mind is on harry potter, shaolin monk last episode, and f4 garden show. i hope that i will gain to be my decisive, since i knew from the start that i have the final answer to the question...yet, lacking of courage to pursuit it... and now, my eyes are still here... i have to learn learn.
i got the zhang dong liang song leh...latest album from my dearest SQ. hope you manage to get ur bags and clothing from the sales. i really like the latest album, it is super nice and to my personalities.

although, one may meet many failure on a day...as long as you think of the people beside you, all will seems not an obstacle to you...just smilez and face the day. after all, it will be a new day again...

friday!!
having the ot outing at west coast park from the early morning, where the sun is not even out yet...to the late afternoon. when i get home, i slept my way through till i was waken by a call to meet my dearest friends. i want to sleep, but in the end i ate my first subway meal and we end about walking along the tiong bahure park. i hate walking at night where they are not many people. but it still fun walking with friends too...

sat!!!
i cant even study after yesterday due to my overwhelming laziness and tireness. so again i was waken by a morning call but this time is another friend. because we had some volunteering work and she wanted me to wake up...gee!!! but she ended up speaking to my dad to ask me to wake up!!shiok as she got a shock too. at the amazing race, walking for about 3hrs and 30 mins. we was ask to stop due to a drizzle. that good! beause the last station was a "worst worst" station. meeting our guardian angel was quite fun after all, he gives us hint, but apparently none of us caught it!! so we ended up the 2nd last group but that good despite that our group consists of mostly girls, the youngest, and the most innocent ones!!!
we got quite a lot of group photos too!!
it is afterall a nice day, but i ended up sleeping till this hour. at see it is 11.07, i just wake up!!
i need to study study. and i decided not to go out anymore unless there is something nice and sweet out there for me to search!!

haha! yesterday is a very fun day.
rushing time again, for the igaps volunteering work at ah ma's house.
she is shifting house but on the same floor... but it is from one corner to another. quite lame but there is a lot of work to do. but practically, we get to listen to her story and see a lot old photos of her.. for the furniture part, of course must rely on the guys. gee! but we help to move those mini things and help to accompany the old lady.
but i was stoning the whold time when i have nothing to do, especially i was told to look after things in case get stolen...too tired to do anything.
haha! from the morning waking up at 7 plus then rushing out to the mrt, taking a bus trip, finally reaching the place, moving a lot of things, meeting a lot of new people, doing a lot of listening, playing with the toliet, eating our lunch , doing a lot of funny stuff, finally taking the photos, talking a lot of thoughts, finally going home. which is around 4. taking a bus home, sleeping with my mouth wide open. reaching home about 5 plus. too tired to do anything. and eat and sleep and watch tv, doing almost nothing last night
conclusion...
it is a very fun experience, but i did not a kiss from the ah ma...sad ah!!!
but as long as doing an effort to help people, just warmth the hearts of others as well as seeing a smile on their face, everything seems to be the nicest part in the world. i have a lot of things to do during the holidays, wonder how i am going to finish my hundred pages of anatomy notes plus hundreds plus of textbook notes... still got a lot of volunteering activites next sat and fri too. plus project on wed and thurs...
haha! perservance and optimistic is the key towards success...

starting on human anatomy soon but still left with a lot of physiology tutorial and quiz and slides to do. i think time is not enough for me. and i have to watch tv or i will be screaming like someone did between in his studies...lol!!! LETS US ALL HANG ON!

a fun day at the cp place! i woke up late at 7.48 and i have to rush down to pasir ris by 8.30. i think i am almost late for everything after i ended my jc life, especially for school this few months. i call and call to ask people to help me to take extra things down becos I RUSH AND FORGET TO TAKE EVERYTHING... haha! in the end i was late but i still manage to reach the place safely with the team. we started our adventure of cleaning the weelchairs. in the end, Yl and i only manage to clean 2 wheelchair the whole morning and doing some pushing. IT IS NOT THAT WE ARE SLOW, IS THAT OTHERS ARE MUCH FASTER AND WE HOPE THAT THE CHAIR SHINES IN THE SUN...gee!
it is so fun to with a group of friends doing this type of things. BUT i got a test coming, in exchange i think my results will be rotten. so here i am trying my best to blog and I SHOULD BE STUDYING NOW. tomorrow, having upon to pay 50 cents to YX, return MZ lame quiz book. BRING RAGS FOR mz and yx and her bro PLUS mz SHIRT. I AM BEING CHEATED TO DO ANOTHER VOLUNTEERING WORK. but i cant admit that i dont like to miss out the fun. Haha! AND TOMORROW WILL be at toa payoh, cleaning someone house and moving it!AND CAN U IMAGINE MOVE HOUSE TO ANOTHER UNIT of the same floor. haha! i m out to make others happy. i must make the ah ma smile tomorrow.
though FRANKLY speaking, everyday i am filled with homework and projects, but as compared to last time i really feel very happy and practically i dont understand what i am studying!!! but i really feel contented but i have to pass this 2 major exam no matter what. PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I HAVE THE CALIBRE TO CONTINUE THIS COURSE.

hohoho! live everyday like CHRISTMAS. and i just receive my english posted venue. what m i going to do! i havent start yet... and yep! i just bought a doreamon soft toy and it is my first doreamon...in my life! for just 3 dollars but it is 2nd hand quite big too! haha! too glad to be true...
now i am left with tiger,dragon and i can have the 12 zodiac le( soft toys plus a cat=doreamon) too=)

there is a big big wall in my heart. now, it hurts so much. my head hurts. heart hurts. shoulder hurts. everywhere in the world seems no place for me to go, due to my laziness. i really hope that someone words will aspire me. but there is none. yet their encouragement do give me some sense of presence and happiness. arghhhharghhh! feel like scolding someone instead...
i want to go swimming, this is rare words from someone who dont like to swim at all.
i am tired though i sleep extremely early. yet i think this is the anxiety that cause my troubled feelings.
i want to visit the place again to seek my peace in life!!!

when the stars are all gone, all you can see is a black sky. but there will still be a day when the sun will come out and the clouds will clear. as long as you carry this determination with you and a hope, you will find the peace and the hope that you wanted in life. no matter what we do, someone will be waiting at the ending, for you to meet him or her. it is only whether you have the courage to move on...

i m like dead meat now! have to study, study , study. yet, when i touch the books... the television will be once on again! i am so so disappointed with myself.
i m dead meat. holidays are projects, books and events. i think i can hardly go out. instead, i dont feel like going out at all. i am so tired! every minute i feel like sleeping is the best,especially it is the best with mr cow just beside me.

arghhh! i hope to go escape and shout my lungs out! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
survey survey! my heart just got survey!..stupid pig! stupid cow! stupid dog, stupid mankind, stupid creator! everyone in the world are stupid including me!

why do they have to break up in the first place. stupid show! why do the guy have to act so cool! to attract her attention? it is so irritating! luckily the girl is very straightforward and full of courage! or he will not be able to find his true love again!!!

irritated by the movie!
a angry man is a man whom u step will be a volcano...

i am feeling so unhappy today! apparently, there is a big dark cloud above my head. feeling so upset due to certain reasons...(actually , it started the day before), makes my day felt even worse. i am so upset... i dun feel like saying anythings after pouring my sorrows to someone le!
talking about it, makes me think about it and makes it even worse...
i just hope that the holidays will come soon and i will feel much better tomorrow!
today, the uni package was being deliver to my house. i don't know what to do with it as i still do not have any answer with me now. i was feeling guilty of occupying a space. but as what my friends said, think about your own future again and after that i was tinking that some people also do appeal too...
i just feel like beating my cow and complete all my projects tasks by today. i just came home and i finish my macdonalds on the train... first time that i illegally eat those things picture on the signs of the mrt station.
tomorrow, i have a presentation to go through...
i am like totally exhausted, though i really enjoyed the company of my friends in the school. FOR our course only, i really feel great about it.
confusion should be my name now...
I hate it >_______________0

when thesky once turn dark, i believe that there is someone in theworld which is leaving us...
depleting the populations on earth.
there is always one time in which everyone have to face death and suffering.
i once ask my parents, is it better to have long life but it is full of regrets or having a short life but u will not have any regrets.
their answers are being healthy and having regrets are just parcel of life. things that u will never avoid! but my answer is... i am not so sure of myself either.
i am more on a indecisive person as there is seldom things that i really wanted or need! even so... i may consider for a long long time, till the thigs or person is not with u anymore...
catching up with what u really wanted, may be very very hard. but as long as you have the determination, you will be able to do it.
i hate to catch up to buses and i wanted to go slowly at my own pace. but the buses are just opportunities. i ask myself that why not try to run after the bus for once, you will neve know when the opportunities will arise once more for you. it may be hard during the process. yet, it may be very fulfilling for one, and you will gain more than what you really wanted in some ways...
i finally understand the meaning! yet, i need to find the determination once more...


sometimes, in life we may see this numbers when you look up at the clock! so what do this numbers means!!!
time analysis(lame):
1.11: someone is looking at you
2.22: time to eat something again
3.33: dont look in the mirror, you may see something
4.44: someone is hating you
5.55: time to meet your dearest one and say i love you
11.11: someone is msssing you

hohoho! after a week of lessons and projects, here comes the weekend.
yet, it doesn't seems so free at all. Apparently, i had not had the time to do anything during the whole weekend, fri and sat! FRi, i was planning to study at night! but i ended up sleeping after a few pages and receiving complaints from my mother! on Sat, it is even worse. i woke up early in the morning to do volunteering work at tampiness, but it is quite fun after all! after that, i went to celebrate my friends birthday. but i left much earlier due to some reasons. and i kept myself busy with food at home and i fell asleep! without studying. today, i promise not to watch tv and study hard, must at least study:
1. physiology till blood group+ textbooks
2.human anatomy finish tissues chapter
3. be an organized person( pack books upon sleeping)
4. finish my online project meeting

upon finish all this in one day, i will feel very satisfied!
hope i manage to complete this!
armstrong is coming back soon, i wonder what will happen next!

hohoho! today, i bought a super big cow about my waist lenght tall.
i am so super happy, MR COW.
haha! i have to learn how to make balloon by tmr

i am feeling tired, yet my heart is filled with happiness now!
yesterday, i have been sleeping all night from 7 pm to 6 am in the morning.
however, the only problem is i am flooded with thoughts of projects, exams and homework to do.
yet, i am feeling happy everyday!

and my greatest happiness is i have completed the final level of my psp game. first time in my life, i have completed a psp game! gee!gee!

i hope sat and sunday will not end so soon. i have to make good use of my sat and sun!
haha=) but i am feeling happy everyday... but everytime there is some bad effects with it!
but this time, i will try to conquer it!
smilez...

today, it is supposed to be a no school day! but i have to go to school early in the morning to do projects. but it is quite fun to do a skit with the PT. it is very funny and i master the way of moving the wheelchair, this is what i think is the greatest accomplishment for the day and we managed to do finish the video part. and now, i m at home all alone. what a sigh of relief! but i was thinking about the examinations that i have to take for my a-levels, just freak me out for the whole day... i just hope that i will be able to make time for my friends to go to the zoo! i really wanted to go to the school! but i got test starting from next week, how to go! till dont know is it week 14 then everything will end...

how come! it seems that singapore is going to introduce the fourth university in singapore which dedicated to the polytechnic students and it seems that they are also going to add in occupational therapy as one of the courses that allows students to pursue the degree in singapore. however, this news of new courses being introduced are not confirmed yet... however, it means a better chance for people in this health care course. however, the main problem is i can hardly cope with this course. the mobility and the notes just freak me out. what should i do? i am like moving away from somehow partially of my dream of being the health care courses. yet, it seems that i may anytime fail this course. i usually knew where i stand after about 1 month. and this time, i dont think i can hardly survive this course. however, i still want to remain in this courses... but i also like to go to the other school. so what should i do! perhaps, i think i am resist to changes that what i partially wanted to do in this course. four years each! so confusing...

as the time passes,
people attitude towards people, things changes.
some people work hard and score so well that i cannot ever imagine.
yet, this is what they really deserve.
their hardwork realy inspire me...

while some people,
all i can see is true happiness in their eyes.
their smiles really mark deeply in my eyes.
though their happiness may be as simple as receiving a chocolate...
in this world,
their simplicity is so rare and they are truely happy.

everyone in this world is searching for something,
something that is very important.
be it money, fame, love, happiness...
yet no one is satisfy with what they have.
people are always searching for more things...

in this world,
is there really a thing or a goal that i wanted to achieve...
from pri 6 onwards,
being inspired by my uncle's words
all i wanted is a certificate from a university

yet, friends play a important role in my life
starting from primary 1,
i cried for about a month, because i hated to go to school without my best friend
however as i make a lot of friends,
i love to go to school

during primary 6,
i make a lot of good friends
because i am quite talkative too
and this can be said to be one of my happiest time in my life.
i really enjoy going to school for the first time,
and i actually never visit the library at all...
yet, we became apart after sec 2.

in secondary 1,
i hate to go to school...
but i have to beat the "_______" down
so must study...
and i join the cca library.
i meet my first friend and my cca friend, jer
she is very funny and her words can poke people...
but i think i am "chi du"
so being poke also dont realise de
and secondary school is my most emoing period.
i had very little friends in class...
yet, i enjoy my library group
they are a bunch of very very nice people and extremely talkative friends
and my senior is a haha!
so i can talk to any1 in library
yet in class,
only 2 people for me, jer and val
val suffer from teaching me maths!
explaining 3 times and i did not get it..
however her patient is good, though she is very "fierce"
yet, we are enemy in the first place!!!

in sec 2,
my parents met my pri friend on the bus..
onwards we began to use letter for communication
pouring troubles on her!
in the end, we chat on phone and went out
soon we began best friends
haha! xiaofui!

in sec 3...

2 crappy days

14 may 2009
i was late for class for about an hour or so. this is my second time, i was late for "class". the first time was because my mum took my dad key and her key to work. so my dad and i cant even leave the house. so i was late for my classes... this time, i overslept because i was chionging my project the previous night before. and i lost my bread on the way, misses my breakfast!!! haha, i am talking craps now. LUCKLY the first lesson is tutorial, so i think i sneak in without letting the teacher knows...but i can't be too sure of it too. but after all, it was still a nice day! with the project cancelled at last minutes, allow me to go home earlier then usual. so after all, it is still a day in which i am still alive and kicking.

15 may 2009
Today, we arrrive at school early in the morning to do one of the 6 project (psychology). at last, we are heading somewhere, it is a good start after all. Today is a day, in which i considered to be the most relaxed day. with no science around, in which i do not have to memories all those biology terms that i did not know what are they talking about... and i was released from school early by 10 minutes. after that, my sec friends and i went to the usual meeting place to eat a food that we dont usually eat! it was nice meeting them after about a month or so... then we took a lot of pictures at the sky garden of vivo cit. and we stayed until 11 plus! i was yawning all the way, haha! now i am talking craps...

be happy! cheer up, it is the only phrase that i can say to myself everyday! down to cough that does not get heal any earlier then 3 months.AHHHHHH! mei zhen's spreading the virus (jkjkjk). our class is very united, almost everyone that is involved in our group, all get virus!! haha!
but say frankly, i really like this class of mine. It is very fun and enjoyable with everyone around. perhaps, it is a friendly and patience course. everyone is so friendly and nice to each other. i really dont feel like leaving... however, i cant stand the mobility class. i am so confused, i feel that i may regret that i did not stay one, just like the AJ choice. yet, i cant stand the urge that i will be able to get into the university and at least prove to my relatives that i can make it into the course. since my father side, most of them are graduates. i know that going to OT, it is something like a firm ricebowl and going to ME is uncertainty. Yet, i cant stop thinking that i will be able to do all the things during holidays before the lessons start at uni.
i will be able to earn money, do volunteering work at spca and ymca , do my english hw and find students to teach tuition...etc. there are so may things that i can do. i have already get ready letters for my volunteering , just waiting to sent to them only.
how I will miss chalotte, weizhen, meizhen(twin), yixin, yanling, shuling...etc haha and alan too!
still thinking, and this thinking makes me go no where, i cant concentrate on OT, thinking that there is alternative road out there and so many so many things... i need to find a solution.
ANYONE wants to go to FUSIONPOLIS! there is a secret garden up there! i really wonder how come, i like to go to those places where no one wants to go... sigh!
be happy, xj! xj! xj! remove the dark cloud on ur head and dont strike lighting! ( a joke in my group esp twin)

a confused, emoing, dimmed xiangjun!
and i hope NOT TO BE SCOLDED TMR...

thurs, 23 apr 09

ok! here i am to complain. actually i cannot say that i am complaining, just stressed and worried about my future. this course is simply worse than the JC. perhaps because i have no facts about the bio part. so it is quite hard for me... i supposed. and as days passed, i found out that my class is confirm a extremely mug class...which is like super super mug that kind, perhaps this is the only start that i think, perhaps as there are hcjc, vjc type of people... perhaps it is not true or what because i wasn't sure too. i don't want to be the bottom of class and i don't expect good grades for this course too. however, please dont let me fall below. my course is like only 75 people, in which the teacher had said that it is very big group. and for the first few days, i did not have my lecture notes with me, so i cant even know the terms for the parts of the body and moreover, i do not know that i have to do the tutorial notes. this time is really what the crap! what i know is that this course will sure to get me a job in the future as they are serious lacking of people with hospital expanding... that why i chose this course and partially because of the uniform and the interest to help people. however what i feel now, is i don't have the capability of helping others, rather they should help me instead. no wonder, those senior in OT went to the church to talk about their sorrows...this is what i seriuosly think so... i still have a english exam going on, all the things like fall in the wrong place. however i feel that though this things happened, i still will not give up...perhaps i am still remembering what the secret reader and my mummy had said. for the secret reader part is : one day, we went to mount faber and reaching to the end is a very quiet road and i actually wanted to turn back. yet she said that continue to walk and perserve on...one day , you will reach to the end of the road. and now, i am doing that. for my mummy part, she told me very olden days story...i just wonder how come students in the past behave very differntly from the student s nowadays. perserve this weeks, i am sure i will be going well.... i hope that i can recover fast enough. and we got a project given to us today, though it is only the start, but our group are going to do the research and discuss about it next week.

fri,24 apr 09
today, wanted to go and buy the 2nd hand books...in the end, i did not buy any at all. it was so crap today. went to school in the afternoon and finish classes at about 4.30. attended only 1 and half hours of lessons, but thinking about the dates for exams and projects just made my day really bad...however it is still okay, as the time passed. afterall, i suppose all the first day of jc, students are also bombed by exam dates. I MUST BE OPTIMISTIC. i wonder how is it=) i have a buy a lot of textbooks and pay quite a lot and also READ A LOT.

sat. 25 apr 09
btw, when i wrote this. it is in the morning : timing is 8.00pm. today will be a busy day for me, i suppose. i had to eat breakfast by 8.00am. do my english compo by 10.00. read the newspapers. go to sch for orientation, reaches sch at 10.45am. after orientation, which i skip a little...i will have to go to bras basah to buy medical books (textbooks). after that, i was still wondering should i meet my friends or i have to rush home to study...afterall, i am lacking of bio knowledge and i have to read lecture notes and do tutorials before the lessons.... let me think about it...

overall,
while people had to struggle with their army. i have to struggle for my studies for about 3 years...i hope that i will receive the motivation call soon

friday, 17-4-09
it was the orientation day for OT. OT is really OT=staying back late without pay...lol. haha! quite bored at first, because i did not know anyone fron the school or the course. but some of them, had some school mates with them. at first, i did not talk to anyone and it is only when someone started to talk to me and i will reply, as usual. and i slowly started to talk to people and began to make friends, though i only remember some of their names.

mon, 20-4-09
today, it was quite a long day. our class has agreed to meet at 9.00 but i thought it was 8.30 and i still have diarrhoea that night. it was quite bored, waiting for the class but luckily i had a classmate that i can talk to..slowly, one by one began to arrive in the school. i also found some friends with some similar characteristics. but when the first lessons starts, i almost wanted to sleep. perhaps it was so long before i attend a lecture. meanwhile, i am flooded with the lack of notes which can make me keep awake and the fact that i have to remember a lot of bio terms on the first day of sch and it uses...furthermore, our lecturer told us that he is still behind of one lecture summary. oh, my gosh! it is like so many things that have to be cramped on the first lessons. no wonder, he said be prepared to work as hard as medical course and the books that he recommended are all medical books and we are forced to buy...each costs about 80 dollars... and it is extremely thick and heavy.
the 2nd lessons was even worse, the lights was off and i dont even know which pages tha lecturer was talking about, all i knew that i was sleepy and tired. however, i was not the only who was feeling this way.
the 3rd lessons was even worse, we had a project coming up around week 6-7. it was like so early... it is the first day, and i am flooded with all this.
and the worst of all was that there is a clinical practice, where we had to transfer patients and the teacher tell us that we may have to jog with her in the fields after lessons to keep ourselves fit, and we are giving assignment of exercising for this week.
and i had to endure for like 9.00-5.00 with only half an hour break. however, i only went home at about 6.15 due to some papers that my friends do not have. so a group of us went about to ask for papers for them... putting ourselves in their shoes, if it was us that we do not have the papers, we will wish that they can accompany us about. afterall, what are friends for...
but...for my dream, i will have to endure, though it may not be the work that it turn out perfectly to be. but i think it is still quite okay, since around 50 people can endure, why not me... i must be optimistic and determine and of course work hard after all,
i want to lead a life that i wanted it to be in the future , to be able to surround by happiness and laughter... and moreover the pay is quite appealing too.
and it make me envious that jera is able to play com games and go shopping and val is having her third year with lessons of 5-6pm only... haha! but this is after all what i have chosen.

when the road seems short and narrow, look at another way..a beautiful park may be awaiting for you=)

yesterday, i was still in the ccompany diligently playing computer games. yet, today i have to play computer games at home. indeed, you have guess it, right! i am retrenched...yohoo. but i quit. instead of banging piles of paper in front of the head, they thanks me for working in the company. i felt that throughout this few months of times together, it was quite memorable for me. everyone was very kind and friendly especially times was hard when my friend had not came to work with me. luckily, my shi fu is very kind and helpful. i am so fortunate to be in this company. for now, my friend is still working in the company. quite guilty to leave her alone there, but she is still able to earn good money. school is going to start soon and according to many of them, there will be a lot of projects and all sorts of things...wondering how will it be. now, i am feeling abit of nervous, happiness, excitement and boredom.
argharghargh.... i am going to work hard for my future and the smilez of other people faces. i am still feeling confused. wonder how will the orientation be... no words can describe my feelings now.

15 april is the start.
1. study hard for the english paper
2. meet new friends and be a lot more talkative
3. complete my volunteering forms
4. complete my registration
5. be a good friend

love can never be everlasting. yet, your kindness and help can create a significant impact on others. standing at other people point of view, one will be able to virtualise a totally different things. everyone has a story behind their back. once , one will be able to step out of their own pathway, he or she may be able to see another road.=) whenever one meet an obstacles, perhaps taking another view, you will be able to free yourself from the troubles and problems...

i m sorry...secret reader!

top 10 favourite ambition for ME:
1.doctor( wanted to wear the white coat and cut people :but got bashed in sec 2)
2.occupational therapists ( so that i can receive a lot of cards and wear my dream white coat: now processing)
3.fashion designer ( so that i can play with clothing:got bashed seeing that it is hard to draw human)
4.marinetime engineer (because i can travel to a lot of country on ship:got bashed upon seeing results)
5.social worker ( so that i can receive a lot of cards and hear different stories of others)
6.wedding planner ( so that i can bring happiness to couples)
7.hotel HR manager ( so that i can play with walkie talkie :got bashed upon seeing my tuition mates)
8.chef( so that i can cook a lot of nice dishes :will go for part time when i grow up)
9.dentists ( wanted it so that i got free treatment for my teeth :but got bashed upon seeing how hard it is to get in)
10.CID ( so that i will prove myself to be as cleverer than murderer as i think murderers are the most clever person in the world :got bashed when i fail my NAFA)

this year, i must work hard to pass my most fearful subject...
1. NO MORE TV PROGRAMS
2. NO MORE INTERNET EXCEPT ...
hope this last long enough, starting from tomorrow

LAMER POST

haha! at last the letter came to my house letter box... this is the first time, i felt so happy for this few weeks. i simply cannot stop smiling. i hope that i can survive the four years of lessons too and this time, i will work extremely hard! at least, i hope that my determination will last throughout the four years. haha! i am so happy that at least this door is opened for me. Beyond this door leads to a narrow but a very meaningful path...though, now i am feeling a bit of scared, yet filled with happiness.but now, feeling confused but still extremely happy!!!!!!!!but i still feeling extremely confused that what i told secret reader. but after all, due to this few days of considering, i think i should pursuit my interest and partially my dream.
i got into the therapy (OT) course! HURRAY! HURRAY! HURRAY! perhaps, afterall finishing the A-level,it is everyone's dream to go into university. Frankly speaking, it is mine too! But upon receiving my certificate, the most important subject actually... but luckily, this course requires A-level certificate in order to apply, so i did not waste my 2-years of education. luckily all the students there will be the same age as me or even older or i will feel extremely weird somehow.And it is a good thing that i read that bronchures lots of time and that bronchure kept appearing in front of me for about 3 times, with 2 times ended in the rubbish bin. but at last, i caught it.and this dream can also partially fulfil my childhood dream of becoming a doctor, with the white robe and perhaps seeing patients happily leaving the hospitals. So, i think i will most likely carry on with my dream, helping a lot of people.
And if i get into university, most likely it will be engineering course. Though i will also work hard to get a degree, it is still not what i really liked.At least, this is what i think upon reading the modules.But at this point in time, i only dream about therapy therapy therapy...To many people, i am actually going back to the start. i knew that too and all my friends will be in year 3 and 2. They called me weird, as going to JJ instead of AJ. have the ability to get into pri UNI or the singa uni (least popular course)w/o the criteria of GP to get aT least a degree or so, yet choose to go poly. and rejecting the 2-year food course and get the must-3-year course.Me, myself, considered to be weird...the things that i like, even my parents, find it hard to understand. SO since i am weird, all my friends are also weird! oK , now i am talking craps!
HAHA! But the worst thing is the form have to be completed by friday , with a lot of document...but i enjoyed getting into the school.
This time, i can talk about my feelings le...
that day, when i really got back my result slips. I stared at it for a long time, infront of ms Martin. Finally, i realised my results. i am the kind that can get back to repeat J2...becos of english.so probably, one will know how is my results.
i was rather in a shock and helpless to where i am supposed to go. It is a disaster for me, luckily with YR and XX that accompany me to the leture hall to listen to the talk and repeat the things that the teacher said. So, that week after, practically, i have not talk to most of my friends unless they called...so sms not to say, is no reply. That week, i have to carry on to hand in my application to all polys, jc and uni.but uni, i haven't handed in yet until now. I felt really very confused as in what should i do...so i have to hand in forms in order to find the correct key to open all the doors. Luckily Val, was having holidays so she practically accompany me and help out too. Perhaps, she knew i will be very confused too.And i was afraid that JJ called me much earlier than an of the school.So, I practically was pestering the admin of one of the poly every 3 days to see whether i am accepted. as the therapy course really really is my interest too...and the scariest thing do happened, jj called me on last sat.Because, i never listen to her call a couple of times and in fact, i kept missing it so i was the last student to be notified.In fact, i was supposed to report to school today. However, without preparation and work notification, i changed my date to next mon. Luckily, the letter came today. Or else, i will be in woodbridge soon...not as a therapist but a patient. And the best thing is today is my MUMMY birthday...all along i was wondering whether will i receive the letter today, indeed my wish really come true! and my balloon and capsule wish do come true.
Miracle do happen, this time i really believe it.
Random: there is a lot of stars surrounding us. every stars represent a hope from every individual, it is this hope that leads us to a pathway filled with miracles.
Finally, i will like to thanks:
VAL: accompanying me to almost every school=)
JER: who did my work as well as chatted=)
SHAO: the longest friend who cares=)
secret R: first one to sms, as well as showing me courage for nature reserves...truely a person who makes me admire=)...happy or not
YR:sms me...though very cold person...=)
XH: allowing her house to be my refuge and com too and chatted=)
LIT/KJX: supporting me with words and sms=) and KJX, luckily don't need to repeat jc2 and take the A-LEVEL WITH you
FINALLY,
of course. it is my very dearest family. though, i thought my father will be very angry and disappointed. and of course, i knew that they are very disappointing. Yet, they did not show in front of me. As their child, i am really very glad to have such supporting parents. With their words and smiles and jokes, it makes me loosen up!!!
during the incident, though i fell, on the other hand, it makes me realised a lot of things which i have not yet discovered. FRIENDSHIP, COURAGE, FAILURE as well as KINSHIP.

last week, i got a shock in my life. all my friends around me seems to have already plan ahead. yet, i am always ignorant of this fact. they have already past by me miles away in the path of thoughts. they knew clearly about their future. however, i am still standing at the starting point. from the past, my life can be said to be planned by my parents, from the secondary sch to jc. it is not that they don't give my the freedom, it is that i still do not have a goal that i really wanted. so getting into QUEST from the start, it is not actually planned. INSTEAD, it is because fate does not allow me to get into another school. however, this fate has actually brought me to the right path. Yet, this road has brought me to another junction. this time, i was given the right to choose. This time, knowing my parents wanted me to get into the Jc road, i just went ahead. yet, i still did not know my flaws. and this small flaws has become the biggest mountains in my life. though, there are many doors that are beside the mountain...however, this doors are not open for me or the time is not yet up...next week, i will be really become very close friends with the receptionist

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Losing Someone You love affection and the people in your life more than anything. Your greatest fear is that one day someone you care about won't be there anymore. You are a very friendly and inviting person, who draws in a lot of friendships with your kind, considerate, and loyal nature. However, deep down you are slightly insecure and unsure of yourself. You couldn't deal with it if you didn't have one of your loved ones in your life anymore. You don't have too much to worry about though, because with a friend like you, no one will want to lose you either!
Being Alone
Disappointment
Looked down on
Commitment
Death
Where Your life is Going
What is your True Fear? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

What's Your Best Quality? Your Result: Personality Your best quality is your personality! People like you because you are an all around good person. You have good manners and values. You also like to express your personal style and interests.
Loving
Out-Going
Intelligence
Ambitious
Sense of Humor
What's" Your Best Quality? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

The mind reading quiz!! Your Result: number 4 you chose number 4. you think i'm amazing right? of course you do everyone does i'm only the coolest person you will ever even here of and if you think otherwise you are a loser and should go get a life
number 2
number 3
number 1
number 5
The mind reading quiz!! Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

what should ur real name be Your Result: Vanessa Your name should be vanessa ur a smartgirl sometimes clumsy but is very smart you are a neat freak nothing messy and sometimes have a crush on famous guys..
Claire
Ashley
Callie
what should ur real name be Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Whos your perfect match (Girls only) Your Result: William Yes he may be an outcast but once you get to know him you feel alright. The first time he kissed you your heart almost went through your chest. He also said the he was nervous. In the end you end up staying together. William becomes poular and you guys are voted king and queen of prom
Eric
Carter
James
Whos your perfect match (Girls only) Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Your score on this personality test was 58%

Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the center of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.

Personality Quiz
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What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Science/Math Nerd (Absolute Insane Laughter as you pour toxic chemicals into a foaming tub of death!) Well, maybe you aren't this extreme, but you're in league with the crazy scientists/mathmeticians of today. Very few people have the talent of math and science is something takes a lot of brains as well. Thank whosever God you worship, or don't worship, so thank no deity whatsoever in your case, for you people! Most of us would have died off without your help.
Social Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Drama Nerd
Literature Nerd
Anime Nerd
Musician
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz