sometimes, no matter how hard you have work, as long as something is missing, all efforts will be gone in the end.

Now, i am really feeling feeling very upset. i do not feel like doing anything. i cannot even pass the 1st semester and i may need to retain one year. though, results for the retest is not out yet. yet, my confidence level is 0% and i know that i will fail. many time of trying seem not to be working on me at all, perhaps practice make perfect for me, yet without any single practice and like sudden exposure to things, just freaked me out. perhaps, simply speaking, i am not suitable for this course at all. perhaps, i should go back to my scientific region and i should not danger other people's life including my own. Perhaps, i am just not suitable for this course at all.
really, perhaps that my ke xin arh...

Constantly turning my life, going to schools that is not arrange for me in the first place. yet, moving here and there and finally, i manage to reach here. coming to this point, i have given up a lot of things, which i really want. pursuing somthing that i may long to want it . yet at this point in time....though, i really wanted to continue. but if i really continue in this way, i am really going to freaked out soon. being in this course, i have seen my results at the lowest peak throughout my 11 years of education. if this does not include english. Now, i seriously do not know what to do at all. thinking that going to this course will be something that i always wanted, yet this module just dashed my hope. Perhaps, i am really those type of people of people who can only study theory and yet for other things IQ IS AS LOW AS - 100.

just felt so useless and why i can't just have some street smart that others have. huang xiang jun, are you really that useless. at this point in time, i really just want to take a very very long sleep and never wake up. no wonder, last night i dream of funeral.

perhaps and perhaps, i really do not know what to do!!

but sometimes thinking that others have been working hard, despite years of failure and finally reaching their goal. i knew that i should not give up so easily. perhaps, sometimes my determination will bring me somewhere. but i really hope that my determination can really bring me somewhere this time.

this time, i must pass my A- level english. perhaps, i can only say this is my life since i choose this path. but as long as i have determination, i believe one day i will be able to graduate from semester. After all, i really do not want to have any regret regarding my studies or any other things. N i really want to prove myself wrong that i can actually do it and succeed in all this.

i am going to drag my determination further than i can ever imagine.