words spoken under anger to someone and about someone, though it is harmless but it is still very harmful. dislike and misunderstanding always come from there. words said can't be extracted back. words said can't even be remembered. it is starnge. people argued and quarrelled without knowing what are the reasons that they argued in the first place. is it so...

tomorrow, lessons are going to start per normal again. AND again, we will be doing reports and project work again and again. hope that this time round, it goes smoothly again. another class mate of mine left the course again. It was really very sad and for me, it turns out to be a point of thought again. it seems that in our class, the number of students are getting lesser and lesser. and i seems a bit lost of hope suddenly. this few days, i was not in a very good mood at all. and all it seems in this way. maybe it is because all my other friends seems to be graduating soon. one of my friend told me that she is always in the same footsteps as me. all it may seem, but the pathway is always different. by the chance, we became friends. it seems far, yet near.

today the night sky is all dark now. it seems that it contains thousand of secrets which is kept and hidden in the dark sky. many people contains secrets that they do not want others to know and pry into. this secrets some are good and some are hidden dark secrets. man are always not contented creatures, the more they want to excel, the more secrets that they kept. It seems so weird, yet it is so simple. adapted from my friends' blog that happiness stopped at the level of 20, and the happiness level will drop as time goes passed. i wondered what level of happinesss will be like 2 years down the road. most probably, i will land in hospital begin tied up. some times, really just admired those people who are less intelligent than the normal IQ man. felt that they are really simple and behaved in their own way, ignoring other people snarls and complains. they lived simple and happy. but somehow, on the other hand, if they have the option, will they choose to be in this way. their parents worried for them at the utmost point, that when they grow up, who can they depend on? on their brother or sister? what if their brother and sister get married and was unaccepted by the family. so what happened to them in the end. will they remain homeless and no one to care and look after in the end. so what will happen...

this few days, I had various mixed feelings and do not feel like doing anything at all. I felt very unhappy, just dont know why. perhaps i knew what was it but just that i was unwilling to face it at all. perhaps, is this path really for me? I really do not know at this point in time. Just felt very useless after all. everyone in this world is troubled by some things. some people when they are borned, they are covered by lies and lies. All the memories are all faked and non of it are true. some people on the other hand are buried with money. borned with a sliver spoon, which everyone wishes, do not need to worry about studies, jobs, and whether they have money to pay bills at all. it all seems so smooth for them. some they are not worried and some felt that they does not get any love from their parents.

but being human, some times there are only one and only goal and not all of us can get what we wanted in life. I have a friend who is just contented with her job now and she really knows what seh wanted. at least she felt happy and contented. everyone differ from each other and statistics shown that human being until the age of 30, they still do not know what they really wanted in life and they are busy switching jobs but in the end, they still get back to the same thing again. because they cannot stand the reality and cruelty of this world. without pay and money, just to pursue your only dream, it is simply impossible to some.

family meant a lot of things to some. they meant support in terms of emotional and financially. not comparing with other people who are lived in blessful environment. some of the people are borned to be handicapped and some losing some of its function of their body. to them, there are many things that affects their time, more effort put in than the rest. their family financial burden in the future. their emotional support that they got from their family. the courage that they lived in. the happiness that they had in life. remaining happy is one thing, some how, people are always not contented in the way they are. and what about me... still pondering.

BUT I AM VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERYVERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VEYR VEYR VEYR VERY VERY VEYR VEYR VYE RY YER R8Y IFJDLFKSDFKA;SLDFORUQPOKD;LCMX,.V SL;AJSFOUETOIpod; unhappy

2 weeks had already passed and soon, i will be going back to school. There are lots of mixed feelings around and i really hope that i lived in thailand too. But of course, i should be very grateful that i was borned as a Singaporean in the first place and received good education and simply led a peaceful life until now. The simplicity on the mountain attracted me to stay. but sort of, because I am not studying and really lived on the mountain. the villagers who lived on the mountain hoped to live in the city one day, while the people in the city or other countries liked to live on the mountain. so contradicting after all. but some sort, it is just the life that people expected. Almost everything being on facebook, i will stare at the photos that we had taken in thailand. I really hope that one day, there will be a chance to go back to the place.

this few days, since I came back from overseas. It seems that i have been going out almost everyday, meeting up quite a few friends. there are many talks around and of course continuing to pour sorrows too. it seems that many people had a lot of problems that everyone wanted to solve and it seems that a lot of people are still very uncertain about their future. Me too, one of them too and I am really getting tired by everyday and every minute. I don't know what will i expect every second. sometimes, people optimistic just killed me. I really admired them, and i am those who is super pessimistic but just kept everything.. because i don't even know what will i expect and there is a lot of people who keep telling me lots of things and simply does not know what i want. is time a factor for me to decide too. how come some knew what they want and what they need. what is the differences between each and every one else...