it is going to be the end of the year soon...in less than 17 days. A brand new year will start and everything will go well. :)

This year is eventful and there is a lot of happenings. But I am really glad to have these bunch of super nice friends regardless if it is pri, sec, jc, poly and now. They are nice and I am glad to find true friends along the way. Though I lost one of my best friends thorough a super childish questions, it make me realise I have just to be myself and sensitive towards other's feelings.

Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes, I really do not know what I wanted in my life and I just flow on with the waves. yet, I like to go to routes that are uncommon for people. Is this the life that I want to go, I often ask myself? Although I am in a route that I sort of like and enjoy doing everyday, I have to progress and I knew that I cannot just be satisfied at this moment.

My parents and I are getting older day by day. Seriously, seeing and hearing people passing away at my age. Simply scares me, and I am sort of getting pulled back to earth from the death gates. I am working everyday, without damaging my health and doing what I like so as to earn not really enough but okay to support my family in their old age. My family do not really need my financial help, but working in the health sector previously...make me think that life is very precious and money is very important.

I can actually put myself in their shoes, why patients do not want to go for treatment,especially for chronic cases. Because they often fear that they will not have enough for the rest of the family members who are surviving. They are not afraid of the treatment, as it is only physically. But rather you can see the emotional burden on their family members around them. Most of the patients themselves are rather strong in their emotional and mental status, but the environment that are around them...makes them ponder.

I am grateful towards the different gods for keeping me alive in this world and I have live for another 1 1/2 years. I hope that in the next coming year, I will still be here writing. Life is thoroughly very short, if you just have a walk thorough death...One will surely treasure everyone around them

wish all families have a blessed Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

I love everyone:)

let me stop going to facebook for a month... let me see if i can do it.

My hams hams is going to be 3 weeks old soon. They are often fighting and getting fatter by day. Hope they will grow healthy with the new owners.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7, say bye bye to your bro and sis.

Christmas is coming...I am really very happy and glad to have survive one year and two months. Though my lifespan might be short, I treasured every day. With my family and friends around, I am too grateful to them. They provided me with a wonderful time during this year. Next year will be better, and I wish all my friends and family are well...:)

Do something that you like and do not regret. buy things that you want, spend all you want on things that you like. Be happy, be free

                    ...as time is always short...spend it wisely...and meaningfully

Ok, set!!!
Tomorrow, I am going back to school to 'chiong' my homework and assignment. Have been super unproductive these few days. haha!

Finally, do not need to take the disabililty class and i think i may take up another part-time job. i am going to try all sort of jobs and be a 'part-time job' king. WAHAHAHA

though these 2 days are public holidays and there is no school or work.... I really miss my kids. Have not been able to be with them, since last week. miss them so much and their super sweet look and hugs....Will only be able to see them next Thursday, which is like super long. I enjoyed being with them, but provided that there are no accidents and fighting.

Haha! love the batch... I love what I am studying now. Though there are many reports, I do not feel the stress and I enjoy what I learnt. But English is still an obstacle to me. Seriously, can't imagine that I am willing to spend the whole day on Wednesday in school, facing the computer and editing my report. I think I am growing in terms of maturity. Hope that I will get good grades for the first report.

LASTLY, happy holidays to everyone. I love my poly friends. Thanks for buying the charm and snow globe for me. LOVE U ALL SO MUCH...:)

today is another day of boredom,... work and work...haiz...
I am so tired, feel like not working tomorrow in the afternoon. Maybe, it is time to tell my boss.
lot of report, not yet done. I think i really need to do my work.

sickos

i just stumbled across a website where I saw some of my ex-classmates in the videos... I felt that it was totally sucks to be their classmates. How can they ever treat their classmates in this way? and do all of you even think that it was funny. No!! for goodness sake, I thought that saying about others behind their back was worse enough... and all of you have the guts to take videos...

can't imagine what kind of people would you all be when all of you were adults...

Again, I took the bus 198 from one interchange to the other. On the way, I saw one of my Jc friend walking home...Wow, he did not change a lot though. Do people change???

Envious that my friends are overseas schooling... and after graduating, they are staying there to tour around!!! Finally, make up my mind and rejected the offer of going to overseas to pursue my current diploma -degree conversion. Instead, I made a another decision and decided to study another diploma. Haha! and I am going to start school in July...which is very soon. Hope that I like this course...because hopefully I would want to pursue the degree in this line. Change and change, yet dun really know what I wanted.

Therefore, I tried the job this time round before I went for my studies... I think I just wanted to collect all kinds of cert and leave my tuition grant for my degree in the future. Having gone through the job for 2 .5 months, everyday...I have been living in laughter and tying up people's hair and talking practically non-stop. Looking at all sort of haughty and cute faces, at least my days were all smiley

I think it is time for me to go for a short break or holiday...I think I need it. If not, I am feeling really bored.

on wednesday, i took a bus 198 from boonlay terminal back home. On  the way, as usual, i past by my junior college and my childhood home. Lots of thoughts flowed back. Thinking back on the 2 years in college...walking on the same pavement every morning, always sitting at the usual seat on the bus...always seeing the very common faces every early morning... always falling asleep on the bus... lots of memories. Couldn't imagine that 4 years have already passed. time passed really very fast....

i am so happy that i have live for a year. thanks god for his grace.

kids are so fun... i hope my entertainment last every day

a nice day started with fire happening near the childcare on my official first day of work. First time...fire emergency. The kids, on the other hand, are super excited that a fire broke out. There are so excited that they told me that they saw a fire engine and ambulance passing by the mall.

Their hugs are so warm yet so painful!

Looking forward to the next day, hope it would be good.

haha! haha! tomorrow, i still have tuition...which is so fun, love to torture my kids by asking them to memorise the answers.

these few days, i kept thinking that i am already 23...getting older and older...haix. need to earn more money, at the same time...i wanted to do things that i really like. using the lifespan of only 5 years, i am going to travel  around the world and my ultimate aim is to get my Master...no matter what course it is, i am very sure i just wanted to get my Master. Of course, this time i am not so stupid...i will try out the job that i want to do and take up the course. Let's try and error...

I just told someone today that I just took a longer way to reach my goal but I will still reach it. Throughout all these experieces of part time and seeking for the right course, time is not wasted at the end. Because from all these years, I have learnt what i do not do well in, things that i dislike, things that i can excel and i have learnt many small little skills to help me to cope with part time jobs like cashiering skills, organisation, better memory to remember the steps of writing, how to read a cheque. Though these skills are not a big deal, i did gain and learnt something from it.

I felt that some people would take a longer route to just to discover what they would do well in. Some are searching for years and they do not know what they wanted to do. On the other hand, I am surprised that i actually have the courage to seek for what i wanted. These include changing career paths, giving up opportunities for degree, objecting to my parents' recommendations and taking a unpopular road. I am just very surprised... Somehow, I felt that I am not as soft as I looked. In fact, I am very stubborn to some things that I really want. But I would take the considerations of other people's looks and thoughts. My courage lies in having a strong family support which were their love for me. I might keep on complaining and looked like i will go and die any moment, but i will not do such things. Therefore, ' friends do not be afraid of that '. My aim is still to earn a lot of money... so i wouldn't die so easily.

haha! I am going to go for cambodia trip. this is one of my goals in life. Count down...left with 4 days. My next place is to mongolia for mission trip. Some people likes to travel to go and shop. But I just love to go mission trip and help out others...not that i am very 'wei da'. But it is just what I enjoy.

Life is just about doing what you enjoy, isn't it so?

this few days handing over the information to my supervisors... it was very busy. but happy yet sad. I will really miss my patients, in fact all of them...they are so cute cute. Their smile really warms me. previously, i was doing the photoframe art with them but did not manage to complete it. so my dear training officer completed it for me. Once they have learnt how to make, they make one for me each. it was very sweet. some of patients cried when they heard that i am leaving. it was so sweet. i think i will miss the blank stares at their questions, their weird questions and answers. their cute smiles without any teeths...it will be in my memory forever. And miss u guys:)

all this lantern are blessing for you. though it is just picture, i really wish you all will get well soon and remain as happy and cute forever. Dun give up:)

p.s: i am really sorry for those clients who i did not have the time to really understand you well and assist you in order ways. I will miss all of you.

 Nowadays though I am very busy with my hand-over and seeing my patients for the last few days

I am feeling very very happy every day. Hahaha! this happiness can be seen. So I can further assure that my decision is correct.

It seems so surreal. Everything seems so fake. I quitted my career??? unexpectedly from me, who always say and say..yet did not have the courage to do it for more than 3 years? A sudden decision, yet considered for a long time...finally make up my mind. It seems a relief, yet i have to find something that i like which i dun know what is it...

I will just have to join Jeraldine and Val finding job group and continue with my studies. Of Course, only 1 % i will resume and go overseas and study my original course. I can't visualize myself in the course anymore, perhaps I will just have to find and gain back the passion???

Follow your heart???

Strangely, lots of support towards my decision , especially from my parents and my aunts.My Friends too...

Am I really suitable for this job? should i go for further studies or switch career? Like what my clinical supervisor, I really do not have the 'heart' for this job? Is that real? questions just flooded my head and i am confused and clueless...

201 days 

until Tuesday September 17 2013

a Tuesday 6 months and 20 days from today

it is getting late at night, but just wanted to post something:

Thought through a few days, I will hold on for 1 year. It is around 6 months to be exactly. I believe I can do it. I just dun want to give up so easily, yet there is another side of me wanting to just quit and change job. Yet, I just dun want to give up so easily. Living something that I might regret next time. 6 months only... not long, not short.

205 days 

until Tuesday September 17 

2013

a Tuesday 6 months and 24 days from today

Let's start the countdown now!! and fly after that...

Aim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make yourself a happier and more productive person.

– David Burns

When I got home today, I can't help but just tear continuously. I told my mum that I am super stressed and I also tell my friends who were currently overseas. I just couldn't take it... presentation, assessment and coming out with goals for the clients. There seems to be endless and I am on the verge of breaking down. Addition to that, I did not have a wonderful holiday during my chinese new year. It just added onto the stress level. Initially, I thought that having a hair cut could reduce the stress level as it was always able. But this time, it does not seems to work. 

Sometimes I got so tired of being a therapist. As in..I love my patients. However, there were still countless of work to do everyday when i got home. It seems like endless of it to do. Which at this point, I got so tired of it. I tried to speak to someone...hopefully, someone will be able to understand. I think I just need someone who I can talk to and pour out my sorrows. I wanted to scream at my top of my voice. I just hope to stare at the blank sea and stare at it, with the wind blowing against my face. 

That is just my wish... Writing my pain and stress in the blog, helped to relieve slightly and talking to my junior, help to relieve slightly more. I think i am ready to at least hang on to tomorrow and time to do baking session on thursday if not my clients would be pestering and asking when they would be doing cooking again. 

The counter transference effect, hope that it would work on me soon. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CcQDuuhdXA

Holding a cup of water and looking out at the stary sky...sound so cool. (wu liao)

Currently, typing and thinking about my presentation slides... it is frustrating and frustrating as I do not know what should i type? and listening to 田馥甄 - 還是要幸福

I just seriously hope that it is thursday now and i can meet my friends. Hopefully, i will have a relaxing night.

I really need to reflect upon my own personality and changed my personality. I always wondered how come my friends were so flexible and can adapt to changes so easily. However, no matter how hard i wanted to...but just can't change my super timid and not 'confident' character. Sometimes, these 'factors' really made me wonder whether I am suitable for this job. I really wonder... today, 1 of my sup say that I need to step out of the 'student' box and think holistic way for the clients. I felt that I am more suitable to be a kindergarden teacher where I can 'bully' them. 

Today, one of my super cute patient held my hands before she went home and say 'thank you for taking good care of me'. It was so cute and I wonder if i simply held on to one year and after i received my full registration, I would be free. and if i just held on to september, i would be free as I would be going overseas and pursue my dream. Is that really my dream or a place for escape... 

sometimes, these group of patients were the one who pushes me on for this job. It seemed that the road for me were pathed by others and I just followed. At certain point in time, I was the one who made the decision to continue. No matter, what others say- asking me to quit, what's the point making yourself so stress. Yet, there was a force inside me asking me to continue. Sometimes, I was very glad to be in this line. I felt so contradicting. 

Chinese New Year is coming and there is a lot of things to do. Countless of them, that makes me want to avoid all of it and stop thinking about it. However, I knew that I have to face it. I have been working for 4 months and going to 5 months and it seems that time passes slowly... Did I make a right choice to work in this line? This questions have been pondering over my head for the past few days. With all the mistakes that i make, it began to increase more and more (I mean the thought of my job)

This is just about me... They are not updating at all....

Next week, it will be a super busy week. There are two presentation going on and i am going to rush out all my reports and complete it by tomorrow. Tiring ah...

I walk in the rain last week and it was super nice. The raindrop fell on my skin. Even though the touch of raindrops is sticky as it mixed with my sweat. However, it was a very different experience and I just love the touch. It made me felt better as the raindrop represented my tears and allowed it to flow freely...

Look up at the sky, guys... there are a lot of stars up in the skies today. It looks fabulous...Have a great sunday tomorrow and for those friends in overseas, have a great weekend ahead:)

p.s: recently, I heard that one of patient who i observed in the session and i saw him in the centre frequently...passed away. It was shocking as he was quite young (in his mid forties). However, recalling that his wife always mentioned that he had a time-bomb in his brain, ready to explore. And soon, last week was his las week. It was saddening to see one of the patients passed away. But on the other hand, is this a relief for their family or just a start of griefing?

chinese new year is coming!! so excited as it would be a long long holiday!! and i get to sleep longer but before that i need to do a lot of presentation and i need to prepare my slides now...boo

my supervisor just did peanut cookies today!! it taste nice and she is really good at running group. Inspired to be like her next time. JIA YOU!!!

by right, i am supposed to be doing my work. But I just can't... heart is building up with stress and simply can't release. Today, I did something wrong at work (promise something which I can't perform to my patients) and I was told by my supervisor. She is nice and did not scold but just emphasize. But just can't stop thinking about it for the whole day.

Tomorrow will be a brand new year. haha! and just another 3 weeks more...it is CHINESE NEW YEAR. and it is a long long holiday:) should I be happy about it. I have been working in the company for 4 months and I am struggling to survive. It is a difficult word to use, but no words could describe how I am feeling. 2 more months before I go to Level 1 supervision which I seriously was thinking whether I can make it to that supervision by end of 6 months or longer...

Anyway, there is something to be happy about this week. It is that I can go to cambodia, apparently the camp trip 'date' is changed and I can go there. but due to the late registration, I have to pay another 15 dollars more than the rest of the people. Forget it, I still manage to go there...haha! finally, MISSION TRIP here I come.

The next thing is that, I have received the email of conditional acceptance from one of the university that I applied. It means that if my health permits, I will be able to go to UK. smiles...

* My terr class

but I learned that when U are working, never say your decision so early...it serves as a disadvantage...

Today, I went to my workplace with the super stressed look. My TO was saying that haha! don't stressed don't stressed and the ICP is in the file for me to check. My work is just piling up with the super lack of internet in the place where I can't check my mails. My  50 ICP ( to be check), 2 home reports, 2 Case conference reports, daily documentation, daily group plans...it just seems endless with my case conference coming up and not to mention that I have to do inservice and case discussion and cae presentation- 4 presentation in each month. With this is only my task with level 1 (my workplace), I still have my level 4 (workplace) work... with 20 ICP to go and I just clear some, though it was not very timely...

Apparently, either I look seriously too stress (because I get red easily) or someone say something to her. She told me is just work la, dun get too stress. But for me, it is hard not to get stress with all the work piling up. IS IT???

stressed...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

Humpty had a great fall and couldn't be put together again. Because he was an egg. After a great fall, he had a crack. Hence, even if one is the king, humpty can never be placed back again.

Life can never be replay. There is only moving forward and forward. I thought through and I shall wait for the next mission trip. The words from my dad was right. It was your responsibility and job, shouldn't have throw away my duty. His word reminded me of my supervisor 's words that she stayed in this line because of her never-ending duties.

Finally, I made a brownie cake with my patients. I left it in the oven to bake and asked my assistant to wait for the 'time' up. That day was a busy day, with my patient hospitalized in the morning, some fell and required check-up and I need to run group session. In addition, I had a surprise home visit. It was a super busy day and I was simply exhausted. Luckily, I took annual leave the next day to settle my uni registration. I hope that I can get into the college with my friends. Sigh...

Did I talk about the outcome of my cake? Haha! My assistant left a piece of brownie cake for me when I came back. It taste nice. However, it was as hard as stone. I tried to pinch the cake, yet it just did not budge. But it was still a semi-success. Because I am still able to bit it and it taste delicious. The amount of sugar that we add into the cake was 2 cups. Sugar rush!!! Initially, the amount of sugar written in the recipe was 3 cups. It was horrible.

I had almost 1 presentation every week. I think I am going to go mad sooner or later. It was tiring. At times, I really feel like giving up and was asking myself that if I want to give up, 'why do I need to go for further studies relating to my course. After all, it was a very specialised course. However, it was what I chose.

Actually, I was very bothered about touching people because of my seriously sweaty palms. So I hate to touch my friends and even patients. In year 1 and 2, I don't really dare to touch them because I am afraid that they will be uncomfortable with my touch. However when I started work, I did not really care because they can't really feel if your hand is wet because they are sweating during exercises. Moreover their desire to get well through the therapist's instructions and facilitation is much more important than my sweaty palm.

I am trying to get use to my job. Yet, there were too many ups and downs that I could not handle. Just have to take it step by step. Look forward and heck care. I believe that all gods will be there for me to guide my way.

Believe

actually, I am supposed to be sleeping. I know it is a bit too early...at 8.54 pm. But my mind is at the half awake region. (That was positive).

Wow, I knew that many of my classmates had changed in terms of looks, personality, achievements. However, I did not think that one would change to such extreme...that was beyond what i thought she would be. Anyway, I just needed a place where I can talk freely. I promise that I would not say out, So I won't say much.

I just finished my personal statement and the reference letter yesterday. I immediately sent to my lecturer without any thinking as I seriously did not want to edit any more things. The way I wrote, wasn't like me at all. But anyway, I just wrote whatever was inside the letters or results book that I collected throughout my years of studies. And the next day, straight in the morning, my lecturer immediately replied me and emailed me to inform me to collect from the admin counter. He was like 'quick'. Up in mind, I was thinking that either I wrote a perfect essay of myself or simply was just 'flawless' for him to edit.

Tomorrow will be another tuesday. I hope my application to overseas university will pass through. Hopefully, my legs will allow me to travel safely there. Anyway, I got informed of one mission trip. I am intending to go, however I have some work commitment. I wanted to go so much. Hope that I can discuss with my supervisor and have sufficient leave to go to cambodia.:)

Time for a good sleep after a long long longgggggggggggggg day.

Should i make use of the egg to make a cake?

I faced some backstabber almost everyday. I felt very disgusted, somehow I tried to find all sorts of reasons to cover for the person's action. However, the more I think the more I think that she did it on purpose. I don't think anyone will be so brainless to do that. The more I think, the more angry I am. So I gave up on thinking, and shall reduce my connection with the person.

As we grew older, the people that we could trust...reduce as fast as we mature. Is it really true? My dad always tell me that friends disappeared as one grew older. I did not believe it at first, but it did not seems like the case now. Everyone changes as they matures. Everyone is different in nature.

Everyone is wearing a mask nowadays. Who is not wearing a mask? Except that they are just controlling it consciously. They have something that they do not want others to discover. I heard this from someone; Just Like one will think that this girl is very very kind-hearted and likes to help people, quiet and 'knows how to talk'. Yet, no one ever thought that she is evil to her parents or any elderly, she hate to help people except that there is a motive behind it. She longed to dance in strip-bars and she always think the opposite way of what she said.

Sometimes, I felt that ...is there anyone whom I can trust in this world except my family?

Today, I received a strange email from someone who wrote a comment on my 'secondary' blog. It was a very weird message. The message is 'your house is very nice'.

Though it was the first day of the year 2013, I can't help to be moody. Therefore, I decided to write in this blog. This few days, I kept writing and writing. Perhaps, I just need a space where I can relieve my feelings. I have to run a few groups tomorrow and I have no idea what I am going to conduct. It is just a horrible feeling to undergo when you are in the centre. Roar...I am simply going mad soon and I am listening to JJ lin song which make me feel more moody. I need a person to speak too.

Should I go freestyle and ask my patients to think of what to do... That will be a NO NO! I think I will need a break soon. I shall endure, at the most...Let's play hockey. Next week, I shall bake brownie with them. But after tomorrow, what am I going to do next? Haha! It is a blank blank blank. Time to go cycling soon to relieve my unhappiness. Since I can't find a partner, I shall explore east coast park on my own on saturday.

Currently, I am supposed to be writing my personal statement. However, I ended up writing a post on the blogspot. Looking out at my room window, ...is another starless day. There was once I woke up on the bus to genting, I saw a sky full of stars. I always remember the scene and I wanted to watch it again. I really love malaysia. I hope that I can buy a house and stay there when I grow old. It was really nice and from there on, I loved stars (anything which involves stars). My room, at a particular corner is filled with wishing bottles and stars like objects. It just give me a peace of mind. Every morning before I go to work, I would just stare at them. Thinking about things...

There was once lived a very ordinary girl who always cry when she went to school. No one can stop her from crying. She cried for a month in school as her best friend and her was allocated to different class. Her mother went to talk to the principal to ask for a change of class. However, her principal told her mother that it was not allowed as she must learn to make new friends and socialize. She continue to cry and cry for a about 2 months when she suddenly stopped crying as she had a make a new friend. They cared for each other in class. However, as they get promoted to the next grade. They got separated again. The little girl cried again. She hated changes and she did not want to leave her comfort zone. However, she knew that she had to change and the process was terrible. She wanted to leave her school, her class to join her friends in other class. She does not like to study and would always run away when she was forced to sit down to study. However, she always had a liking for stickers and would be attracted by her mother to sit down to study...the temptation of sticker. Perhaps the emphsis for studying and good grades was very strong, she hated to study. Yet, she  knew that she did not have a choice and have to succeed in her best in everything especially her study. Every morning, her mother would accompany her to school and told her that her friend was holding a book to read even while shopping in the supermarket. Soon, the girl became more and more competitive. Her best friend's mother would also compare their grades. The little girl's desire to get better grade overrides her love to explore other things that she liked. She started to bring a book whenever she went and hated to go out. Her parents no longer had to help her with her studies since primary 5. When she reached primary 6, her results was top in the class. However, she had a serious breakdown during her prelim exam. She do not know how to do her papers and she knew she just had to scribble something on her papers. At the end, her results for all subjects was just a pass. Of course, she did not let her parents know it. Though she score poorly during the prelim, she hated studies. She did not want to study and she put her books at aside. It was one week before exam, she took up her books and started to study. During exam, she had a panic attack and started to run to the toilet during the first day of paper. In the end, she managed to pass her paper with AABB. However, she was not able to get into the school of her parent's choice. On the day of annoucement of results, she took her slip, crush it into a ball and threw it into the dustbin. She cried at the stairs and went back to pick up the exam slip results. She went home alone and hide in the cardboard. She faced the four sides of the cardboard and started weeping. She does not have the courage to face her family as their hopes were high. She did not wanted to come out and her mother had to pull her out and gave her hug...she said it's all right. Her dad on the other hand, gave a long sigh and went to the bedroom to sleep. She cried for days and couldn't forgive herself. Her classmates had done beyond their expectation and went to their ideal school. She went to a secondary school alone, with no friends again.

Despite being in secondary school, she hated school again. She told her parents that she hate to study and it was them who wanted her to study. She hate school, hate to study and hate herself. She was a very gloomy person. It was a tough period for her as she had little friends in school and she just hate classes. Filled with numerous exams and class test, that she had to go through. Surprise tests were conducted on a frequent basis. She started to fail her class test as she do not study. She took long rides on the bus and cried. She hated to socialized and she went to join cca- 'library'.She thought that she could escape from people as it had to be very quiet in the library. Therefore, she had a idea of 'do not need to socialize'. She loved to go to the library during breaks and look down at the basketball to see students playing basketball. Hiding at a corner, reading history books. Her friends could not find her during lunch. She loved to sit outside the science lab and just stone. This idea carried throughout her secondary school years. Though she really hated to study, she knew that she could not afford to get poor grades. She does not want her dad to be disappointed and she do not want to be look down by her relatives. She started to mug and live in her own world. She read and study on the bus to and fro from school. She went home after class to chiong her studies. After mugging, she managed to get to the top ten position in class. However, she kept failing literature and her english composition were always filled with red marks. The girl do not like the english teacher as she felt that she was biased to students who are good in their language. The girl's maths was also bad too. She failed in class test and had to ask assistance from her friends. Her friends were helpful and showed willingness to teach. That was the only relief that she got in school. However, not all of them were kind-hearted. Some of her classmates boy-scott her because she was a very direct person and often offended people. Yet, she never knew it. Perhaps that was the only good thing of being slow-witted. However no matter how slow I was, she soon realised that her friends were leaving one by one. They even give her nickname. One day, she broke down because of their sacrasstic and burst in class. She do not see the surrounding or whether others were looking at her. She started to scold them, one by one. She hated them to the core and never wanted to see them again. After a period of time, her classmates apologized to her in her diary. It was a bad bad experience that she never wanted again. From there onwards, she never wanted to go back to the secondary school days.

She loved the library and always did many crazy things with her friends in library. They would always hide at one corner and talk and talk. Whenever they saw their seniors, they would just dispersed. It was fun and they would talk about anything in school...from studies, exams to relationships. Soon, it was time for graduation and collection of results. She arrived in school early and went to the hall where there were no one. She took the opportunity that there were extra time to visit the places that she always went to hide. She went to the library and stand at a corner. When the time to annouce the results, she got cold feet and delayed her time to go to the hall to assemble. Her friends were there and she was one of the student who arrived there late. Her principal was saying a speech and look up halfway to see her running into the hall. Her sec 2 chinese teacher accompanied to the hall and asked her how do she think that she performed while walking on the way to the hall. The teacher gave her pat on the back and said 'do not worry'.

One by one, her principal announced the results and she saw her friends standing up as they are the top few in the list. At that point of time, she felt very happy for her friends. Yet, she was worried about her results. Her name was not mentioned and she felt that 'mei you wo de fen le'. She just prayed to get good grades. Just then, her principal announced her name. She just smiled and almost forgotten to stand up. She was very happy and did not even want to take her results. She just wanted to call her parents. When she gotten her results slip, she called her parents. They were very happy for her. She received congratulations and hand-shake from someone who she admired. It was a super nice day for her. Till now, she had never forgotten.

Time to sleep.