finally... remember my email and password...

wanted to blog a few days ago, but did not manage to log in...

life is so unpredictable, no matter how much plans one had made, sometimes...it does not follow what you wanted or plan...

today, I am going for the scan. it is an urgent appointment after finding a lump. i really hope it is not the thing. I don't want to lie down on the cold operation table. It is not the scary part of the physical pain, but it is the rather the waiting process. it is really scary very scary....i really dun have the courage to face it again...

sometimes I wonder if what others say is right, it is a gift from god. to make you realize that there are lots of important things in life and it is a period of rest and reflection. Indeed, it has change me, the way i looked at my life, friends, family and other lots of relationship. My character has also changed, hope for the better. the diet that I used to take, also changed. Maybe it is just what i need to go through.

yet, the experience is scary...

i always think that death is very scary. but seeing my grandmother passed away. perhaps it is what she needs to go through, or should I say, what everyone needs to go through, it is a process that everyone will face eventually... except how far away is that day...

Looking in another aspect, I am glad not to be born in other countries, where I have to face other certainty, I am also glad not to be born as an animal or insect, where I see my kids chasing after the insects or stomping it with their foot.

Maybe time to really let me travel around the world and let it go... and maybe we are not meant to be, the unknown person that may be waiting for me in other part of the world...

I don't even have the mood to worry about myself, where do i find the time to seek for a partner and DATE...

HOPE EVERYTHING GOES WELL TODAY. P.r.a.y.