It had been months since everything had finally settled. Been through a lot... Though I kept complaining about my work, I love my role as a therapist. In the past (from primary to poly) , I hate to interact with people and I don't like others to ask about my personal things and similarly hated to ask others about theirs. I am also not those girls who liked to talk alot and I simply just like to be blend into the wall, making myself transparent. Currently, I would still like to be transparent...I treasure the moments with my patients. At times, I am guilty of not doing the best for my patients and I conducted a very lousy group session. However, I am very fortunate to have a group of very cute patients who are always there encouraging me and thanks me for whatever I have done. Actually, I should be the one who wanted to thank them for whatever they had done. Their cooperativeness and their smiles on their face despite their condition were my motivation to move on. Despite my work is hectic, I felt that my happiest moment was the time when I was with my patients.

I had a patient who was very young and went back to overseas. At the last therapy session, I asked her if she would miss me...and she said YES. I was very happy, on the other hand, sad that she had to leave. Similarly, I had another patient who had the same birthday as me and I discharged him out of therapy session. He was a very very cute old man, who always said that I was his grand-daughter. Some people came for therapy because they wanted to recover. On the other hand, some people came here because they need a place to receive concerns from other people. Last time when I am a student, I don't joke with my patients and I only keep asking questions and questions about their lifestyle. This makes me feel that I am intruding into their privacy. However when I started working, I started to say all sort of things to them and ask them different kinds of questions as well as lots of joke. To them, I am young so many patients are like a grandparent to me. My colleague had a patient who can't see clearly and always call my name whenever she saw a lady who had the same figure or height as me. She even taught me how to gamble with cards when I went to talk to her during free waiting time. My patients were so cute... One patient always pretend to be very sad when he see me. I would always disturb him and he would always smilez:)

During this period of working as a therapist, I think I am lacking of something which I think is confidence as well as exposure to people, things and culture. I think I am too simple-minded (if put it in a nicer way) and I need to learn to be more confident as well as to be more independent. Being the only child, I felt that I am too dependent on my parents in all aspect except studies. I really need the period of time to be alone and learnt to live alone. As my time in this world will be shorter than other people, I really treasured every time spent. I think I will need to explore and do the things that I like. Studying for many years, I had never go on a trip(even to malaysia) with my family. I am too engrossed with my studies as I deemed bad results as failure. It was a big big thing for me. After gone through many things, I realised that one should do things that he or she likes and wanted to do. And the things that I wished to do is to

1. to go overseas and complete my studies
2. go for mission trip every year
3. bring laughter to my family and patients
4. bring the best for my patients

During these few months after my unofficial graduation day, I had been through a lot of things. There were a lot of happening that I can't even imagine or ever occur in my mind. There was not a lot of time to think yet, was being critical to a certain extent.

I have been through a few surgeries and I, seriously DO NOT EVER WANT to experience the torment again. Actually, it was not the surgeries that were painful... but it was the waiting results period which was tormenting. There were many results that I had received, and these few months, I had been through a lot of ups and down. From shocks to sadness to acceptance and to be courageous to face everything that were going to be ahead of me, to be able to undergo the treatment process with a happy heart and looking forward to complete the whole process and to regain full recovery.

Throughout the things that I had through, I was very grateful to my family members...in particular to my parents. They were the ones who really stay by my side and encourage me, hearing the news, might be more troubling to them and overwhelming to them. It was the first time that I ever see my dad cried, and I never ever want to see that again. My parents, I want to say a big THANK YOU to you.

Secondly, I want to thanks all my aunts. They were the ones who I really felt loved. The encouragement that they give, the unlimited prayers that they give to me, the super healthy organic food and water that they provided me every week, the effort to deliver the food to me when I was working part-time...make me feel that I should be the happiest person in the world, at least I am really loved by my family members.

Thirdly, the group of people to thanks were of course, My friends. Some of my friends were really very sensitive to be able to detect the changes in the mood that I have experienced during the process. They are very encouraging and always ask me out and of course, VERY understanding. THANKS TO THEM TOO!!=)

20 August 12
I am still undergoing the therapy and it is going to be completed!!! haha! finally and wishes that everything will be fine and go on smoothly. The best method for recovery is to stay optimistic and happy, haha!!! and soon, will be able to start work, haha! looking forward and ahead to start my job soon and hopefully, I will be able to use my skills and knowledge to help other people who undergoes the similar process as me. Now, I will be able to more or less understand their feelings as a patient and I WILL TRY MY BEST TO HELP THEM, not only in physical but in mentally.

God wants us to go through trials, so that we grow (romans 8:28). He will bring you out of it, believe and stay strong (quoted from the net).

At last, just wanted to say! Thank you=)

this new blog layout is so weird...anyway, just had a operation on wednesday and now, it is the two weeks of healing process...so nevertheless, there is no work for the common of days, but it also includes no SHOPPING    and going out with my friends too, which includes no money to earn and my video shop work just started and I had to take MC, i think the boss will be so mad at me. but forget it.

Monday, i will be signing my permanent work contract and will be officially starting work on the 28 may. There is a lot of thoughts about it, but nevertheless i shall be brave and try my new job out. Next year, i will register as a SIM part time uni student and take up another different degree course. I seriously don't think i can continue with this job, after all it is too specialize and I don't think I will just stop at this stage.

just stumbled into my friend's facebook, heard the video of his graduating speech and indeed...

Despite that it was the 'holiday season' for me, i still felt that i was wasting my time...the thought of having to stuck to this course and doing the same job, simply made me dreaded. And the horrible thing is i am starting in may. I just felt that I am not up to the job but just wanting to find a stable job and settled down. The interview date email was just sent to my mail again, considering whether to go and just get bombarded by their questions. This time round... i must be well-prepared and listen to their questions and provide the interviewer with the most 'right' answer.

I can't believe i am still awake now!! it is almost reaching midnight. Shall recap what i did during this period of holiday...

1. kbox with my fyp group mates...which is like finally and they can hear my singing:)

2. find a part time job and completed the training, get to know new friends

3. made bugis my home, have to going there at least 4x per week...until i know the items in the shop and until the sales assistant had kindly say:" oh, you come again ah"

4. went back to my previous attachment centre to visit my 'kids'. very glad to say that they still remember me...going to go back again next week in the morning and afternoon...since I was assigned to do the 'night' shift (part-time job).

5. went to the library and read all the books that i wanted to do so in the past

6. went to watch hunger games with my friends...horrible but niiiiiiice show

7. and find a part time job near my house....:) perhaps i shall find another part time job since i will only start work at 5pm.

I think i am seriously mad...and my tuition kid is seriously going to kill me cos i kept changing the timing for the tuition and she moved her house... i need to travel so much further to give her tuition now...

Random: since life is short, there are many things that i wanted to do... so let me list it down.

1. ride the bicycle at east coast park for 3 hours

2. go and visit my 'kids' at my attachment place everyday...somehow it is released stress and worries place for me

3. go to my friend's house to bake cookies

4. go to the beach and just listen to the waves

5. go for another porridge buffet

actually, after listing a few of the things... there are nothing that i really wanted to do, all i wanted is to stay at home and accompany my family...

there is a bomb in everyone's life, the question is only when will it tick off???

perhaps mine is early, i just have to live as positively as possible. perhaps the next minute, i will be gone with the air:)

I must write something, it not i will be pondering over it all day.

Something i must confess:

Coming to this 3 years course (OT), I really did not know what will i expect. Carrying the idea of wanting to work in MINDS, is all the idea i had. Initially, i did not even know what i will do after my A-level. Applying everything that is in front of me, is what i have in mind. Tears flow down the cheeks, happiness upon receiving calls from schools are like images that seem to happen just yesterday. I always did not know what i wanted to do... seriously, until now, i cannot give you a definite answer of what i wanted.

However, what i knew was that i always said that i regretted taking up this course...since i have the opportunity to take up the degree. But did i regret...Looking back at all the pictures...though i have ups and down and seriously, my grades are the worst throughout my life. but i really treasure the times that i have been in this school...my friends, their encouragement, the strangers and the 'good-bye' friends that i have met in schools and lots of attachment were somehow that i deeply treasure. Sometimes my friends' words speak the truth, but somehow it is a growing process for me. At times, i really wanted to give up...but seeing their effort to stay alive in this course and i really do not wanted to give up, just pushes me along. I really really miss the times with my group mates regardless if it is fyp, or other minor projects that had been bothering us from semester to semester. But i really treasure the memories...and the only regret were that we had not taken a lot of pictures. and lastly, i wanted to seriously thanks all my clinical supervisors that i had met...they give me a deep impression, they make me felt really glad to be under them and gave me a 'wow' impression about them. Their attitude towards things, their impressions about always wanting to have the best for the patients and not considering whether they have to meet their target quotes, really made me felt that one day, i really wanted to be like them.

Lastly to my dear friends, clinical are going to end soon in a few more weeks...I really treasure the times with you. The suaning, the happiness, dark clouds on my face and above my head, the smiles on your face, the puppy eyes that i always see...the laughters that i always heard...are seriously memories that i had...I had never been so happy in my school life before and i wanting to say 'THANK YOU FOR ALL THE MEMORIES'.

I wanted to go on a trip with you all...and i realised all the grammar errors in this article. but some times some day then i would make an effort to change...=)

everyone is changing rapidly...improving. No one is constantly at the same spot.

happy belated valentine to everyone!! Though it is a little bit late...

If you like fortune cookies, you might like these tips:

Random saying:

1. When you are in the lift, hold your breath and make a wish until you reach the ground floor (the lift that you have to take at the top should be above 30 floors). It will come true...

2. If you are really really wanting to see someone, or desperate to know who he or she is... try this. Count 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 (With a door in front of you or closing your eyes). Someone who you truly loved, will appear in front of you. If there is no one, it means it's still not your turn yet.

3. Hold a coin and tell a lie. No one will discover that you are actually lying.

4. write your wish on the balloon (that will fly up to the sky), it will really come true.

5. spot 100 air planes and grab the images of the air plane with your hands. at the end of 100 planes, make a wish

6. fold 1000 cranes, your wish will come true

7. spot the big dipper star and make a wish

Just for fun=)

seeing everyone in pairs, just make me feel a bit envious. but...since i am the youngest, there is not much questions being asked. new year is over, just miss my long never seen cousins and aunts. Though we did not talk much, it was simply nice to be with them...especially my mother's side.

I love blue roses, becos it represents the moon and the stars...i think i am emoing again. but oh well...

when can i find my prince? always in drama shows, i supposed.

I think i had really miss this place. Though this is only the 2nd day and the stress had not really arrived, i sort of expected that i will be running a lot of groups in this centre. However, being surrounded by endless talkative clients and smiling clients that would greet me every morning and even when they are going home...simply make me feel that i am welcomed and really happy every morning. This is so different as compared to other places where i am attached to, I get to eat with them and talk to them during lunch. Although it was a bit sad that i am not with my friends, being alone in my work place, where there won't be anyone to eat lunch with me... but strangely, i did not feel weird being at that place. And this is the first time, i ever look forward to running groups.

But it is a bit scary as i will be facing my lecturer while doing groups. But I will just feel very happy to run groups with the clients. The clients are very playful while some are very quiet. But all of them have a common similarity, which is their smiles. I really wonder is it because of the 6 years of experience in my previous supervisor, that she became a social butterfly in her current working place. But it is hard not to be in this place. I feel that i am super talkative in this place, not that i talk rubbish, but it is just that they are a batch of clients who won't judge you for who you are... so it is very happy to be just there. Not because of the environment but because of the clients there.

seeing that I have not been blogging for quite some time...i decided to blog again

i really really can't imagine that today is sat, can someone just tell me that this is fake. This is my last clinical, and soon i got to start work...in some ulu places which i don't even know where is it. Looking at some of my secondary and jc friends photos, just remind me of how long and how fast we have already grown. Everyone or at least some have gone overseas, been through the course that they wanted to attend. and have a goal in their life...or at least just finding someone that they love and got married. it is a bit early, but seeing that they found their love one, just got so envious. that why i am always persuading my friends to get married soon...it seems a bit scary, but just hope that i can be a bridesmaid soon.

let things go slowly, I DON'T BELIEVE THAT I CAN'T DO IT. I WILL ONLY BELIEVE THAT I WILL ALWAYS REACH MY GOAL, IF I WORK HARD.=)

I got to keep my hair long again, strangely...i keep cutting it and the mr hair cutter said," how come your hair keep getting shorter and shorter". I should just reply that i wanted to see him more often. I got to keep my hair longer and longer, i shall stop looking and wanting to see the super handsome mr cutter for one year. Must keep my hair long- at least for one year.