Life is very short and it all comes down to ashes. There is an ending to everything.

But at least, she led a strong life and despite all obstacles, she managed to overcome it. Just that ages as time goes by. I believed that you will receive more happiness and less suffering in the next life.

Strangely, i did not cry when i hear the news though i badly wanted to. I felt that i am a cold-blooded person as i promised never shed a tear when death news is being heard.

When i heard the good news yesterday, that you are doing fine. I was really happy. I am sorry that i did not see you for the last time. But i never regret in my decision, because i know you want me to help others. But just that, why did not you wait for my birthday to be over and we can celebrate together. 10 more days... Perhaps, it was a kind of blood ties relationship feelings that i keep wanting to accompany you this few weeks. Going to your house and just sitting beside you, allowed me to just feel very peaceful and enjoyable. You are really cute and one of my best grandma that I had.

I am proud to be your grand-daughter and you will be my forever grandmother. And i know you will be forever beside me spiritually and protecting me, just like what granddad did.

I love you.

haha! finally, there is a day...which is a public holiday. A day which i can constantly stick to my computer and watch lots of tv shows. Recently, i just wanted to finish watching 画皮. and i am at the last episode. haha! But after watching this show, i realised that i have a lot of work to do.

Work list:

*Action plan and CV plan

*Literature review for FYP

*Literature review for cognitive dysfunction (executive functions)

all this work requires TIME, TIME and TIME.

Haiz, there goes my holiday again. Haha! but tomorrow i can go to my grandma house and play again, since i have no school.However, i have to go for my project around evening, gee!!

perhaps i should not work as OT, but just work in the mediacorp and stare at the different tv screen all day long, assisting in the switching and editing of the tv shows. I think i will get a lot of satisfaction doing that since i like to watch shows so much.

Anyway, i want to go shopping=)

i am feeling super super depressed now. Lots of things incomplete...and can you believe that i still spend my time writing blog. IT is a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME, like what i will say. Stress and depression just overwhelmed me. haix.

tonight it will be a long long night for me again and i ought to do finish my OTTp preparation for tomorrow group meeting. It is JUST simply a horror. This few days, my friends are all applying for university in overseas either UK or AUST and i am also deciding whether should i apply or just save up the application fees. If...i don't apply this time round, then when my friends all go for the same school next year. I will not have any friends to go with me next time round or it will be harder to get in since there are more and more singaporean joining this unpopular course in the future. then it will be harder to get my degree since sg don't even often this degree course. Haix what should i do. so confusing. my dad asked me to go, my mum worried about me going and prefer me staying in singapore. this is just so SIAN.

anyway, just going to grad soon and i seriously needed to plan. My friends asked me, my supervisors asking me, my relatives asking me...and i have simply have no ideas. QUOTing frome my friend that if you have a dream, you will most likely succeed. If you have none, your life is simply just meaningless. FOR me, what do i really want to do???

how come human being own such a brain which can processed information and tends to worry themselves out? stress? happiness? complex processing? insights? all this things are just a chore to me. But when i asked my friends what their dreams are, they are able to narrate to me. That moment in time, i simply admire them because at least they know what they wanted in life...just that it might change everytime when i asked them... but at least they are able to tell me, RIGHT!!

but now at least, i need to focus on my work which i need to hand in next week and i simply have a test that i need to go through almost every single week. THAT is... but that my course wanted us to go through and i know that it will be a good practice, though i simply just don't want to admit it.

by the way, the real steal show is nice. just that i don't really like the fighting part. image they are robots with feeling and they got smash till their head is gone. i don't want to imagine that. but at least i feel that it teaches me that "no matter how strong your component is, how difficult the thing might seen to you, as long as you perserve and stand after every fall, there will be a time when you will succeed in the end. even if it doesn't, at least you gain the best victory and satisfaction

haha!! my birthday is coming. just to hint hint my friends!! i want a bag (must be big, just the usual size that i carry around, regardless if it is handbag, slingbag or backpack), long necklance, watch (working kind), shoes (no sneakers, unless you can find sliver sneakers with glitters).

JUST TO say, my present must have NO CARTOON CHARACTERS. no childish pictures. and NO MONEY. i don't want money cos i wan to KEEP MY PRESENTS!!

I need to get get back to my work now, before that i need to go home first.=)

quoting from someone: "perservance is scarier than cleverness"

JIA YOU, XJ!! you will be persistent in what you think.

actually, I have no idea what to write today. But i can't stop being happy today. Though it was a rather busy day, I just feel happy and contented. It was a super busy day today and a raining day. Had to wake up super early and go all the way to serangoon when the shops have not even open yet. But nevertheless, i ate the omelette and eat mac ice cream which makes me happy. It is quite strange. Perhaps, it is because i have enough sleep last night and my parent is on leave for these few days.

However, i have to complete the transcript for 3 people. I have just completed one and have two more left. How positive I sounded. Anyway, it is still holiday and i am glad=)

p.s: it is a sunny day

Just smilez...there is nothing that you can't overcome=)

This few days felt totally frustrated to the max. Though i have 3 weeks of holidays, i felt that it is simply more stressful as compared to the days in clinical. I simply have no idea why. The moments of quiet nights when i am alone in my room, being able to read my favorite series of mystery storybooks...simply cannot make my heart and brain relaxed. I really wonder what was bothering me. My parents told me that my sleep talking habits occurred almost every night ever since my holiday started. Haix. What is happened to me???

Hope that tmr cycling can help me in clearing my thoughts and what is bothering me. and my pimples are popping out and out.

should i buy the stargazing machine? This is simply too confusing.

p.s. today is a cloudy day. But Thanks SQ for going shopping with me=)

putting their heartfelt words in their heart as a self mechanism protection.

Am i doing the same thing too?